Never Ending Evergreen
by DnKS-giRLs
Summary: A TezuFuji, AU, deathfic. It was just a simple encounter, but it brought many things to my life, and his life, and more importantly, our lives. Told from Tezuka's POV, inspired by the story 'La Damme aux Camellias'.
1. Prologue

Title: Never Ending Evergreen

Author: DnKS – giRLs

Rating: T (now we get it right in standard, yay!)

Pairing: TezuFuji

Disclaimers: first, The Prince of Tennis is not, has not been, and will never be ours. Second, this story was inspired by the sweet romantic story "La Dame aux Camélias", which, sadly, is not, has not been and will never be ours. It shall belong to its respective owner, Alexandre Dumas, forever. Now… what do we own!

Warning: AU, a bit of …. over romantic and OOC (sigh…)

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_O, the dream that thou art my love, be it thine,_

_And the dream that I am thy love, be it mine,_

_And death may come, but loving is divine._

_(The Curtains Now Are Drawn by Thomas Hardy)_

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Prologue

(Tezuka's POV)

There are evergreens, surrounding me in silent, shadowy forms. There are evergreens, when I stop and draw some air to my lungs, feeling a strong scent emerging my nerves, travelling far and deep. There are evergreens that give me the sight far sadder than any cypress can cast on me.

Evergreens are shadowing his grave in defiant silence that one could not abide. One of those tall trees is standing so very near to the place where that epitaph marks whose body lies underneath its earthian bed until I can pretend its willowy branches are indeed caressing that sad piece of grey stone every time a wind whispers in that land of death.

Does he feel lost? Lost as I feel when I stare at the last reminder given to me about him. Else than that silent grave under the evergreens, I have none, spare my memories since I too cannot say that my memories all are belong to me. He was the one who had engraved those lovely memories in my mind, with ink that will not be faded by time. Indeed, he has engraved so many lovely memories in so many people's mind. For evermore shall he be remembered as one of the most charming creatures has ever been created, but that was all and nothing more.

He was treasured in his life; now he is deserted in his death.

So sad is a fate of a man who in his life has been loved by numerous of people yet now that he is dead, not even a single glance spared for him. For how many years he has spent with countless number of his lovers. But now, how many of them dare to seek his grave? So sad is his fate, a fate of someone whom I have promised to protect without end, but now, as I see that soundless grave, I feel that even those evergreens can defend him far better than what I have done.

Speak his name in any street and people will fill your curiosity by talking about his stunning face, his gentle attitude, his delightful smile, but those are the most you can get for they know none other than that about him. In their estimation, he is merely a beautiful creature, without any emotion, without any obsession, without any predicament. They had only heard him laughing but they turned their ears once he cried out his sadness. They had only seen him smiling without knowing what pain he kept behind his facade of smile.

Nevertheless, I, I have heard him crying and in my behalf I have tried every mean to dry his tears. I have seen him in pain and I too have put my every attempt to ease his pain. I might know him only for a brief of time, but I dare to say that those times I had with him were my most lovely memories.

Therefore, I kneel before his grave. I have promised him a peaceful serene place for him to rest his drained body and sleep in eternity, and that place is the best I could find for him, situated under the evergreens, the place where I first met him.

I still remember that time, the first time his sight dared to infiltrate my mind and nested there without any intention to go. His face, his expression that I saw under the evergreens stayed forever from that time on until when, I did not now.

If I said that I loved him since the very first time I met him, that would be a lie. I did not have any thought of falling in love with him when first time I saw him, simply because I thought I could not be in love with an imagination. And his figure at that time was far lovely than any living creature I had ever seen. Am I wrong if I thought that he was merely my imagination back then?

I remember that time I was just standing there, petrified by his aura of beauty and grace. The sun was shining through the branches of evergreens and it too shone on him, making a perfect display of different shade of green on his body. He then sighed and before I could avert my gaze from him, he turned his head and his face met mine.

His face, it was the fairest face I had ever seen, yet also I saw something there, some kind of mystery that attracted me to him.

He stared at me – or so I thought since he had never opened his eyes – as I too must have been staring at him at the time being. Many seconds passed without us doing anything but staring at each other.

Then he smiled and spoke, "Such a lovely weather, don't you think so?"

I just looked around nonchalantly and answered, "Yes."

He laughed and walked toward me. God knew what power was in work to keep my legs from shaking violently seeing him coming closer and closer to me.

"I'm Fuji Shuusuke," he said, extending his hand in a welcoming gesture to me. "Nice to meet you."

Should I seize the hand? Should I speak my name? There were so many confusions in my mind. Maybe that was the worst part of me; I had always let my logic rule over me. I spent too much of my time to think without doing anything.

But that time, my logic did not work, for I seize his hand in an instant and spoke.

"Tezuka Kunimitsu… nice to meet you too."

You might think this was impossible, but I knew when our hands touched that my life would not be the same again. Indeed my life has never been the same again ever since that time. The six months I spent with him afterward pretty much has changed my life so drastically, and that is all due to one person whom I met under the evergreens that day, the very person that now lies under the grave in front of which I kneel with its gravestone bearing one name.

Fuji Shuusuke.

And now I shall speak this story, our story, so that when you meet someone on the street who asked you if you know someone named Fuji Shuusuke, you will able to answer not only for his beauty's sake, but also for his suffering. Many a year will pass and by that time, I might have got rusty and crumbled. Nevertheless, if I speak this to you now, his story will always live. And whenever his name spoken and memories about him told, there my heart will remain with a smile.

– end prologue –

(A/N : ummhh…. review, anyone? Flame? Death sentence? Marriage proposal? Rotten vegs? Rotten fruit? Thrash, nuclear waste, poison, whatever… just give them to us and we will praise you without end (now you can see how stressed we are) just tell us about this fic and your words shall be our command)


	2. Words of Explanation

Title: Never Ending Evergreen

Author: DnKS – giRLs

Rating: T (now we get it right in standard, yay!)

Pairing: TezuFuji

Disclaimers: first, The Prince of Tennis is not, has not been, and will never be ours. Second, this story was inspired by the sweet romantic story "La Dame aux Camélias", which, sadly, is not, has not been and will never be ours. It shall belong to its respective owner, Alexandre Dumas, forever. Now… what do we own!

Warning: AU, a bit of …. over romantic and OOC (sigh…)

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_In the glad springtime when leaves were green,_

_O merrily the throstle sings!_

_I sought, amid the tangled sheen,_

_Love whom mine eyes had never seen,_

_O the glad dove had golden wing!_

_(From Spring Days to Winter by Oscar Wilde)_

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Chapter 1 – Words of Explanation

I had known Atobe Keigo for ages. He was my childhood friend, someone whom I always met during my family's summer holiday or winter trip. His father was my father's friend, his grandfather was my grandfather's, and so the line continued until several generations upward. The two of us had been very close since our childhood time, my first and closest friend would always be him. We always went to the same school, played with the same children around our age, shared the same way of thinking, and knew each other's secret.

I thought that we would always be together, but that was proven wrong. In my age of fifteen, my father decided to move abroad. Business was better on the faraway land across the sea. That year, I was supposed to enter high school. Atobe and I – he had never let me call him Keigo as I too never let him call me Kunimitsu – had planned which school we would enter, but the plan came to waste. I moved with my parents and he with his family accompanied us to the airport. Later I knew that Atobe too would soon go abroad, but sadly not to the same destination as us.

And so, we took separate way. When my high school's time had ended, I came back to Japan, my homeland, in my desire to enter college there. However, when I entered college, I had the biggest surprise as I saw Atobe's smiling face greeted me on the main gate to my campus. His wide grin had never changed and he extended his hand so elegantly to me, and said, "Atobe Keigo, nice to meet you."

That was our first meeting after three years. I learned from my father later that Atobe had chosen the same major as mine, that his family had moved back to our homeland since the previous year, and that he had told them to make this a secret to me. He had never changed; I knew the only thing that made him willing to keep the matter as a surprise was only to get the privilege of seeing my shocked face. That arrogant boy who had turned to an equally arrogant man when I met him again still enjoyed the satisfaction of being in front of everyone, in this case, me.

We took economy as our major, partly because that was what our parents wanted from us so we could run the family business when our time had come, and partly because we were excellent in the said subject. Our rooms in the student dorm were adjoining to one another and I spent most of my time with him. I was not a very sociable person to begin with. I knew everyone in our department and some from other departments too, but I never managed a friendship close enough like what I had with Atobe.

That time, we were sitting facing each other in the cafeteria with our paper works spread before us. Though he was my closest friend, we were still being a perfect rival to one another. Sometimes I beat him, sometimes he beat me, and that time, he had managed to get the perfect score for our latest test and mocked me with his smug smile that I remembered so well.

"Come on, Tezuka, how you can beat me if you made a mistake in such an easy thing like this?" he said, pointing at my one and only fault in our last test, something that prevented me from having the perfect score. I stared at the number he was pointing on and felt my eyebrows twitched. He was right, that was such an easy problem, and I could not believe that I had made a mistake in such a stupid way.

"Aa…" I said. "It seems simple."

"It is simple indeed, Tezuka," he said. "You could solve other problems harder than this yet why couldn't you solve this one?"

"Maybe my mind was wandering off…" I said.

Atobe sighed and he crossed his hands in front of his chest. "Really, I think you should enjoy your life more…"

"Pardon?" I said while my hands had begun to scribbling some notes on my paperwork. It was our main reason to be there, at the first time.

"You know…" he said. "Enjoy your life, find a lover, have some wild moments, be happy, burn the library…"

"Burn the library?" I frowned in disagreement.

"Or the teacher's lounge, it's better," he said. "What I'm about to say is, you're way too focused in your study, try to be more… unfocused…"

"Unfocused?" I asked. "Is this your way of saying 'stop being my rival and let me win in peace'?"

"No, it's my way of saying 'get a real life, dear friend'!" he said.

That time it was me who sighed, "Listen, I appreciate your concern, but I'm fine with my life. I have never enjoyed being a sociable person since the very beginning; I'm not like you who enjoy being in the spotlight and having affairs with countless people."

Hearing that, Atobe flipped his hair casually, "Thank you for your compliment, Tezuka, I know that you really understand me."

I smiled cynically and he snickered. For Atobe Keigo, being prideful was something as natural as taking breath each day. I was neither shocked nor disturbed by the fact anymore, though for someone who barely knew him; his antics could be referred as something dishonourable.

We continued our study in silent, until one point, I unintentionally dropped my pen. I went below the table in my attempt to get it and when I was back on my seat again, I saw someone walking past our table. I would never forget that face. I remembered him, the person whom I met just the preceding day under the evergreens.

I stared at him as he walking further from our table to sit eventually three tables from us. I observed him as he opened his bag and pulled out a book. I gazed at him as he began to read from his book in silence.

I didn't know what made me look at a person like what I did to him. I just felt that he had something in him that seemed appealing to me, though if I were to name, I would not be able to say what it was. For as far as I knew, there was something in his figure. There was something in his smile. There was something in his way of reading. There was something in the way sunshine fell upon him. There was something even in his way of biting his nails occasionally. Something had attracted me to him ever since the first time I saw him.

I turned my gaze from him with great effort and looked back at Atobe who seemed to notice the object of my current admiration, and I silently asked, "Do you know him?"

Atobe chuckled, "Why? Do you have any interest in him?"

"No, it's just… we met yesterday, and I only know that his name is Fuji Shuusuke. Now that I see him again, I just want to know… about him…" I said.

"Ah… so that's the case…" Atobe said, though he looked to disbelieve my words. "And to answer the question, yes, I know him. Everybody knows Fuji Shuusuke, the perfect representation of beauty you could get here in this university. He is from the Classic department, first year, the same as us, and he is expensive to get."

"Expensive?" I questioned.

"He – if you put it in the respectful way – is willing to be together with anyone who pays enough for his liking. But I don't care, he is indeed so beautiful and charming, every man and woman wants him in his or her bed at least once, no matter how much money he or she has to spend for it." Atobe said casually.

"Be together… you mean…" I said.

"Be together, I mean that you can make use of him any way you want," Atobe explained. "I was in the same high school as him so I know how many lovers he has made. He was not a player. If he is with someone, he will never cheat on him, but he's – as I have said – so expensive. Once his partner can't pay for him again, they break up, and the next month at most, he'll have been together with somebody else."

"But that's… disgraceful…" I said, feeling rather sad for the man whom I had found so alluring actually was leading that kind of living.

"Everyone has their own view of happiness and if this is his choice, I can't say anything," Atobe wisely said.

"But is he happy?" I asked.

"I don't know," Atobe said and for a moment, a bit of depression came to his face. "He always has that smile upon his face, but every time I look on that smile, I feel my heart stirred. I feel that he's hiding deep sadness within his smile, and I have never able to make it disappear."

Some questions arose in my mind as I heard Atobe talked about him. It was as if he knew him so close. I sensed something bitter in his voice when I heard him talking, and his eyes had a little glimpse of sorrow in them.

"Atobe," I said. "What is your association with him?"

He smiled and gazed at our object of conversation for a second before answered, "He was my boyfriend when we were in third grade."

I was so shocked until I could not find my voice or a moment.

"You're gay?" I asked, feeling rather stupid for I had never known the fact before.

Atobe laughed casually and said, "In this era, gender means nothing with your love affairs. If I meet someone whom I like, I don't care if it's a she or a he, I just think that if it feels right, then it is right. Being together with a man does not mean that I'm a gay as being together with a woman doesn't mean otherwise. I just… loved him, that's why I got together with him."

"Then, why did you two break up? You owns more than enough money to have him forever," I said, knowing his wealth that was enough to accommodate him a prosperous life until he was dead and beyond.

"I do, but I felt no happiness in my relationship with him," he answered.

"He treated you bad?" I asked.

"No, he was so very nice and caring, he was my everything back then, but that was why I broke up with him," Atobe said. "He was sad. He was sad yet he kept on smiling. It was hurting my heart to see him smiling when I knew there was so much turmoil inside him. And as I knew I couldn't take away his sadness, I left him; maybe if it was not with me, maybe if he was with somebody else, he could find his happiness."

Atobe had never mentioned that thing to me before, and now that he finally spoke about that, I felt he had changed from the egoistic-self-opinionated kid to a dependable adult.

I let my eyes wander and stared at the silent beauty that had occupied my mind with his presence that time. He was still reading from his book and every once in a while, he shoved his soft brown hair from his closed eyes. How could he read with those closed eyes, I did not know.

"You are interested in him," Atobe's accusing voice came to my hearing.

"Maybe I am," I said. "It seems that he has something in him… something that… attracts me."

"He is the mystery himself," Atobe smiled. "But if you are indeed have some interest in him, why don't you go there and speak to him?"

I smirked and averted my eyes from him to stare back at my paperwork. "Forget it, I've told you I'm not a sociable person."

Atobe looked at me in disagreement, "Are you sure you're okay with this? Leaving this moment just like that without speaking anything to him?"

I returned his look by the same intensity of disagreement, "And are you sure that it's okay for you to just leave him like that without wanting him back at your side?"

He did not answer. I stared at him for a long time before eventually we were back to our works. Minutes passed, and I did not know, nor want to know if the person named Fuji Shuusuke was still there, sitting three tables from us. I have reached the half way of my essay when finally he spoke again.

"If it was you, he could be happy."

I looked up and silently doubted what had made him put the matter on the surface again.

"How can you be so sure?" I said.

He shrugged, "My father said I have a very good insight."

I simply stated, "There's no way that I can be together with him, I don't have the desire to from the very fist."

He just smiled like what he did if he knew something that I did not know and said, "Someday from now, Tezuka, you'll think about this moment we have now and realize what a fool statement you have made. I never failed my father's expectations before. My insight has never been wrong, and someday, I'm sure, you'll be the one who can make him feel his happiness."

I did not know why but I felt something creeping down my spine the second I heard those words from his lips, as if I wanted to believe that everything he said was the truth. I took a deep breath, trying to calm my heartbeat that had grown rather fast that time before I, as if nothing had happened, forced my mind to concentrate back to my essay, only to find that I have scribbled something that had nothing to do with macroeconomics in my haste. I read and felt my heart racing for I had written there, so clearly with black ink over white paper, some letters that produced to spell the name 'Fuji Shuusuke'.

– end chapter 1 –

(A/N : anno… err.. reviews, please… you see, anything is fine…)


	3. Eyes

Title: Never Ending Evergreen

Author: DnKS – giRLs

Rating: T (now we get it right in standard, yay!)

Pairing: TezuFuji

Disclaimers: first, The Prince of Tennis is not, has not been, and will never be ours. Second, this story was inspired by the sweet romantic story "La Dame aux Camélias", which, sadly, is not, has not been and will never be ours. It shall belong to its respective owner, Alexandre Dumas, forever. Now… what do we own!

Warning: AU, a bit of …. over romantic and OOC (sigh…)

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_I see in thy gentle eyes a tear;_

_They turn to me in sorrowful thought;_

_Thou thinkest of friends, the good and dear,_

_Who were for a time, and now are not._

_(The Snow Shower by William Cullen Bryant)_

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Chapter 2 – Eyes

I must admit that even though I said to Atobe I didn't have any interest of being together with a beauty named Fuji Shuusuke, the image of the said person kept haunting my mind for the following weeks after I had the conversation. I had never met him again during those weeks, which almost seemed like an agony to me. So you can tell how shocked I was when suddenly, I met him again in such an unintentional moment.

That time, I walked together with some of my friends to have some evening conversation. Even though the prospect of it did not seem so appealing to me, I still had some reputation to make. Being born in such a great family like mine required me to maintain good relationship with correct people in correct ways. It was not friendship; it was merely a state of conviction and trust.

So that night, I joined them in an exquisite dinner and had some talk about family and such, before they dragged me to one of those high class bar we usually visit during our free time. And there, much to my surprise, I found Fuji Shuusuke sitting casually, still as pretty as ever.

One of my friend greeted him, which he returned by a smile, and before my mind could quite comprehend why did the exact person who had been haunting my mind could be there, I had been dragged by my friends to sit on the same table with him.

It became apparent to me later that one of my friends whom I knew by the name Oshitari Yuushi was one of Fuji's previous lovers. He was the one who initiated us to approach Fuji that time. However, as the matter had not yet reached me that night, I simply cursed and, in the same time, rejoiced my meeting with someone whom I had wanted to meet so eagerly. And my rejoice surpassed my curse when I found him staring at me with a very beautiful smile engraved on his lips.

"Tezuka Kunimitsu," he addressed me so quickly that the fact that he still remembered me although we had met only once surprised me. "It's so nice to see you again, though I suspect you have already forgotten about me and our fateful meeting that day."

"Fuji Shuusuke," I nodded in acknowledgement so he knew that I did not forget; how I could possibly forget. "I forget not, it seems."

He laughed so merrily at that. "Yes, I can see that. Come now, you all must join me tonight."

And so we sat together with him and began our chat, during which I could not avert my eyes from him. I noticed how he loved to keep his eyes closed and silently wondered why. Atobe once said that he kept such a deep sadness in side him, I wondered if I could see that in his eyes.

"You seem rather quiet," one of my friends, Tachibana Kippei – I recognized – said to me.

"The fault is not mine, it is better to say that you all have become rather noisy than normal," I said with my usual tone.

Tachibana laughed and I noticed how his eyes kept being directed at Fuji all the time, "Well… it's Fuji Shuusuke who is sitting with us tonight, of course everybody become very happy. He's such a beauty, don't you think?"

I sipped at my drink and answered shortly, "Aa…"

"I wonder if I can get him," Tachibana said as if he was dreaming. "He's single now… has just broken up from Inui three weeks ago. It will be very fun if I can get him."

"Over my dead body," I said suddenly without realizing what I was about to say. I just did not like the fact that everybody seemed so much in desire to grab him and claim him as his. I saw it in my friends' eyes, how they talked to Fuji meanwhile their mind kept playing dirty thoughts of what they wanted to do to the seemingly fragile beauty who sat among us. It was rude, and I did not like it. I did not like how they stared at Fuji with their hungry beast eyes that seemed not to recognize Fuji as a person but merely as some plaything to help them killing time.

Honestly, that was my thought that time, but Tachibana seemed to take it different from my general purpose. He stared at me and then laughed.

"Oh well, if you are interested in him, I think I can have no hope," he said. "Even the magnificent Tezuka Kunimitsu can have his eyes set on Fuji Shuusuke… that just proves how beautiful he is, eh? Take him if you want, I have no chance of winning if I have to compete with you, just tell me if you have gotten bored and broken up with him then maybe I can have him after you…"

I could not believe that Tachibana said those words like a joke and he even blinked at me. It was not a joke. How could they treat Fuji like that?

"You seem rather quiet, Tezuka-san," Fuji's voice suddenly penetrated my hearing. I turned my face and found his smiling face directed fully at me. "Do you find that my company isn't so much of an enjoyable one?"

"No, it's not that, please be rest assured," I said, wanting to give him any reason for my silence but Tachibana felt it was right for him to talk.

"He just too much enchanted by you, Fuji, that's why he's so silent!" Tachibana laughed. "Besides, you look so hot in your tight shirt, Fuji dear."

"Oh, my… Tezuka-san…" Fuji smiled. "We have admiration session later, and absolutely not now. You were interested in my shirt, you said. Then how about seeing it more… or do you prefer seeing it less?"

All of them laughed at that, but my face was tightened. I saw Fuji laughing too, but his laughter sounded so fake and forged. It was then, in a flash, I saw his eyes. Just a flash, but I dared to swear in the name of every God that had ever ruled the earth that I saw tears in his eyes. I saw tears, but he in an instant, closed his eyes so that nobody else could see them. Nobody… else than me. They were all too focused in his body so they had never noticed his eyes. Stupid people… they were just some fools… and I too was a fool myself, a fool for something that I thought was pity yet I soon found out that it was not merely pity, rather, it was love.

Just then, I saw Fuji suddenly stopped his laughing. His face showed deep agony for a moment before he pulled out a tissue from the table before us and coughed several times. I saw in horror as some droplets of blood become visible on the said piece of once perfectly white tissue. He silently made his excuse and quickly dashed out, maybe to the bathroom or any place more private than there.

"What's happened?" I asked my friends, feeling a bit panicked after seeing blood spitting out from Fuji's lips.

"Oh, that Fuji… he laughed too hard that it hurts his throat…" Oshitari said calmly. "His body is always weak… shame on him…"

My face turned blank as I heard that and before I could think of anything else, I found my legs had found their own way to stand.

"Where are you going?" Tachibana asked.

"Help him, of course!" I said as-a-matter-of-factly.

Oshitari only laughed and said, "Just let him, Tezuka… he doesn't want people see him when he's like that…"

"Indeed, what use is he anyway when he is busy coughing?" another of my companion whom I knew as Kirihara Akaya said with a sneer. "We don't even know if the disease is contagious."

If I had a time to spare, I would probably hit Kirihara at the moment, but as I had no time to care for a matter like that, I just gave my stern look and quickly went to the same direction to which I saw Fuji go earlier. I found him in a bathroom; probably had just emptied his stomach if I were to judge from his pale face. He looked up when he sensed my coming, and I could see that he was surprised seeing there was somebody came after him.

"Are you okay?" I asked. He did not answer so I came nearer and gave him my handkerchief.

"Here," I said. "Wipe your mouth and dry your face. After that, if you need anything, please feel free to tell me. Do I have to walk you to your room tonight?"

He received the handkerchief from my hand with a soft 'thank you'. I saw him wiping out the remnants of water, sweat, and whatever else from his fair face.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I'm ruining your handkerchief and your moment with your friends, I'll make up with it later…"

"You don't have to feel so," I said.

We were silent for a moment, before I offered my arm to help him walk, which he gladly accept. We were slowly walking back to our table, though it was the last thing I wanted to do. I could not leave my friends; it would be so rude of me if I did so. Besides, I left my bag on the table so I must go back there if I decided to go home.

"Why did you come?" Fuji asked.

I hesitated for a moment, thinking about what answer could be the best to give before I finally decided it was best to be honest.

"I was worried about you," I said. "And I still am."

"But why are you so concerned about someone like me?" he said. "I just met you once, maybe some weeks ago. There, I have people whom I have known for years yet they did not come after me. Only you and you alone… why?"

"Because I think I love you," I said. The words took him by surprise, and to be honest, they surprised me too. I had never become such a frontal person like that.

"Ah…" Fuji said. "So, this is another way to approach me, eh?"

"No," I said honestly. "Really, I never have any thought like that."

"Liar…" Fuji said. "I know that you want me in one way or another."

"I'm not lying," I said.

"How could you not if life itself is a lie?" he said.

"Why can't you trust me?" I said. "What have I done to make you cannot trust me?"

"Nothing, but you too have never done anything that can make me trust you," Fuji said.

"I said I thought I loved you and it is true," I said.

"How can I know?" he said. "My way of loving is so much of a difference from yours, Tezuka-san. I'm not a lovely virgin angel who thinks that love is everything and that true love may overcome anything. Love is bitter in my case, dear Tezuka, even all my lovers had their misfortune when they were with me. Do you still love someone like me?"

I did not answer. He too seemed not to expect any answer. We continued our trek in silence, until we reached the door that would lead us to the room in which we had been sitting before Fuji walked away. Then, I stopped my step.

"Fuji Shuusuke," I said. "You said not to believe my words since I had done nothing to prove its genuineness, did you not?"

"Yes, I did," Fuji said.

"Then let me prove it," I said. "Let me show you what is behind my simple words of 'I love you', let me show you the sincerity of my words."

I saw Fuji smiled at my words, "Does this mean that you want to be my lover?"

"It depends on how you look at it, but to put it in a simple way, yes, I mean that," I said.

I gasped at the sight that was rewarded to me subsequently. Fuji opened his eyes fully and the sight of his eyes mesmerized me far stronger than any spell could cast on me. His eyes were so blue, so much blue… and they were so sad, so full of memories, so full of pain. His eyes questioned me in silence, as if he wanted to believe my words, yet he was unable to. Therefore, that time, I did the most rational thing that came to my mind. I leaned forward and kissed him on his lips. It was simply a kiss, no pressure of lips, no movement of tongue, just the feeling of lips against lips. It was a kiss that said nothing yet revealed everything.

He looked at me after I released his lips and said with his soft voice, "I don't remember saying that you can kiss me."

"I don't remember you ever said otherwise," I said.

He chuckled a little, "I'm a demanding lover, you know?"

"And I'm a possessive one," I said.

"Sa… I think I don't have any other option than to accept you," he said, smiling. "And I shall let you prove your words, Tezuka Kunimitsu, I dare you to show me your way of loving."

"So I shall," I said before – again – I captured his lips.

No one asked a thing when we walked hand in hand to our table after that. They just looked at us in a manner that I could not decipher. I held Fuji's palm in my hand, I did not care if everybody thought of me as someone who used Fuji just for sex, like what they usually did. I loved him, I had said that to him, and I would prove that. They might not understand, but I was sure that at least Atobe would understand.

And I could not halt my smile when I though about Atobe. I wondered what he would say if I told him that Fuji Shuusuke had been my lover. Really, his insight amazed me, but there was one thing that amazed me more. A single person named Fuji Shuusuke whose palm I held so close in my hand. He amazed me far greater than what Atobe did to me. Just because of him, I had done two things that I had never dreamed to do before that night, confessing my love and kissing a man.

But again, as I saw Fuji's face beside me, I felt it was my obligation to keep him safe and I felt no regret of what I had done. If it felt right then it was right, Atobe once told me, and that time, I did feel that was the most right thing for me to do.

– end chapter 2 –

(A/N : there you go… what? Too much of a drama you say! Oh, well… this is indeed a drama! We know that maybe we… err… overdid it a :ahem: bit :ahem: but please do leave some reviews, ne? These days lately have been rather hot, eh… and that's why we need reviews. What's the connection, you ask… well, nothing! We're just a bunch of crazy, stressed, and overworked fangirls who are craving for reviews. Reviews! Reviews! REVIEWS!... - are going crazy and start destroying things…..)


	4. What is Behind a Smile?

Title: Never Ending Evergreen

Author: DnKS – giRLs

Rating: T (now we get it right in standard, yay!)

Pairing: TezuFuji

Disclaimers: first, The Prince of Tennis is not, has not been, and will never be ours. Second, this story was inspired by the sweet romantic story "La Dame aux Camélias", which, sadly, is not, has not been and will never be ours. It shall belong to its respective owner, Alexandre Dumas, forever. Now… what do we own!

Warning: AU, a bit of …. over romantic and OOC (sigh…)

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_Love if you knew the light_

_That your soul casts in my sight,_

_How I look to you_

_For the pure and true_

_And the beauteous and the right,–_

_Bear with the moment's spite_

_When a mere mote threats the white!_

_(A Lovers' Quarrel by Robert Browning)_

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Chapter 3 – What is Behind a Smile?

I would never forget the smile on Atobe's lips when I told him what had happened regarding someone named Fuji Shuusuke and myself the night before. I would never forget how he smirked and eventually laughed so hard that his body rocked on the chair where he was sitting on, until he had to repress his laughter by placing his palm over his mouth. Oh, yes I knew how he loved to hear me admitting that his words were proven true.

"So…" Atobe said once he was able to stop his laughter, but still, he had that playful smile obvious on his face. "I've told you that my insight never failed, have I?"

"You have," I said casually. "But what I have done regarding this matter has no relation with what I have heard from you… not entirely, though."

"You love him," Atobe said. "Yet you said earlier that you were only interested in him a little bit, what have made you changed your mind?"

"I…" The scene that I saw that night replayed. I turned my face to stare fully at Atobe's eyes, and then I continued. "Atobe, do you know that he is sick? He is terribly sick…"

I observed Atobe's face stiffened at my statement. There was near to nothing that could escape my observation, and I was most glad that time I still could get that glimpse of uncertainty from Atobe's facial expression.

"I know…" Atobe said. "He has been very fragile ever since the first time I knew him, yet these recent years he grows more vulnerable in my sight. But do tell me how come you notice this fact?"

I sighed deeply and told him what I had seen that night. His face remained unchanged but I noticed how he tightened his jaw. That was the best expression of sadness he allowed to appear, I knew that.

"Is there any cure?" I asked.

"No," he said. "Medical treatment is not able to save his life, prolong it maybe, but to save him…"

He did not finish his words, as I too did not question him further. I divert my gaze to the watch I wore on my right wrist and without further words I stood up.

"You're about to go?" Atobe asked.

"Aa…" I answered shortly while I was wearing my coat. "I've promised to meet him."

"Tezuka," Atobe said. "Are you serious with him?"

I stopped my movement when I heard his words. Having let that question loiter in my mind for some times, I finally smiled a little and answered, "Truthfully speaking, I don't know."

"Do you love him?" he continued.

"At this moment, yes," I said. "I don't know about tomorrow, or the day after that. I dare not to speak about forever, but I love him now, regardless what tomorrow might bring to us."

He chuckled ever so lightly as he stood up. Gently, he patted my shoulder and said, "That's enough… for me, for him… for the both of you, that's enough…"

With his silent goodbye, I left him. It was already the late of afternoon when I stepped out from the warmth of my room in which I had my conversation with Atobe earlier. Soon after that, I saw a smiling face greeting me just a few meters in advance. I quickened my pace until in no time; I had him secured in my arms.

He was cold, that was the first thing came to my mind when I had my arms around his slender body.

"Am I late?" I asked.

"No," he said. "I am too early."

"What has made you want to see me in this kind of time?" I asked.

"To prove whether what I have felt and seen are the reality indeed," he said. "Or would just everything that I feel and see be just a dream within a dream…"

I frowned, "Edgar Allen Poe?"

"Correct," he beamed. "I don't know that in economy they learn about classic literature too."

"Well," I smiled. "There's something called royalty associated to his works in classic."

He laughed and planted a quick kiss on my cheek. He needed to stand on his toes to do so since, I observed, he was shorter than I was. I wanted to scream, I really did though what the reason was remained unknown. I had the most beautiful creature I had laid my eyes upon in my arms, yet I felt that he was never there.

"Let's sit down," he said before he seated himself on one of the benches that adorned the park in which we stood that time. Many a-people passed by and they could easily see us. Some, I noticed, stared at us with the look of envy, some with jealousy, and some with amazement. I sat beside him, took his palm in my hand like what I had done the previous night, and spoke.

"How do you feel now?" I asked.

"What? Oh, are you still concerning yourself about yesterday?" he laughed. "I'm fine, don't worry yourself too much, I'm not that worthy enough to have that great of your concern."

"You don't look fine in my eyes, please do torture me no more by giving me the sight of your fake smile and false happiness," I said.

"So what should I do?" he asked ever so lovingly.

I sighed, "Just… be yourself."

"But this is my real self, Tezuka Kunimitsu, or do you want to say that you know me better than myself?" he said.

"You look so much in pain," I said.

"Really?" his smile widened. "I thought that a smile is considered as a sign of happiness and not the other way around."

"Let me see what's behind your smile," I said.

"There will be another smiles," he said. "There will be a lot of them until you can seek no more."

"I will seek for evermore until I find what I seek."

"But the road is endless."

"Then I will make my own end point," I said before I captured his lips in a long passionate kiss. The kiss itself lingered there for such blissful moments, refused to end. I tasted his lips, savoured as much of his essence as he allowed me to. Cared we not with the world, as that time, the world was something as vague as nothingness.

I pulled away after some moments. I could still feel his scent staying on my lips, so sweet yet bitter. It was right if I said that he was the mystery himself.

"Is this your way of ending the road?" he asked.

"No," I said. "This is my way of starting it."

"Why do you so much in a desire to seek into the depth of my soul while most people would likely be satisfied by just my body alone?" he said.

"I am not most people," I said.

"But you are still human and the desire of flesh is something that a man could not get himself out of," he said.

"Because you have enchanted me," I said.

He laughed, "Oh, yes… I have enchanted you, that's why you are here now, isn't it?"

"It's not like that!" I said, somehow I was disturbed by his judgement which I felt piercing through my heart, did he look at me as he used to look at his other lovers? Did he think of me as just someone who wanted him so badly just to fulfil my desire alone?

"It is… no matter how you deny it, it is still the truth, tell me, Tezuka, what made you have your interest toward me the first time you saw me? My body, my face, my beauty? The point is, you want me, you want my body, with or without your admitting it," he said.

"Maybe," I said.

"So, why don't you just keep silent and enjoy me like you should be?" he said with his smile still kept in place. "Make love to me, do anything with me, toss me aside when you're bored of me. Just like that… it's my life, Tezuka Kunimitsu, if you don't like it, speak not about loving me ever again."

"Stop being so harsh," I said.

"But this is who I really am," he said. "I am never an elegant, well-mannered, high class person like you. Do not ever try to change me into someone you find fit well to your liking; because that's not what you call love. You are not worthy enough to claim that you love me, Tezuka, meanwhile in your heart you still cannot accept this self of mine. What you want is not to love me but to change me into somebody else, and you know, you will only hurt me by doing so."

He stood up rather hesitantly after he had said those words. I could see the look of betrayal on his face. His smile quivered and for a moment, the shadow of sadness he let to pass over his façade so fair.

"I've said mean words," he said. "But I cannot speak my apology for truth is told; I feel no regret of saying them. Better, we end this now and when I have my mind clearer, I will search for you to pay for whatever things I have said that might hurt your feeling, now if you please excuse me…"

I saw him as he started to walk away from me without any sign that he will either stop or look back. I forced my legs to stand up and called after him.

"I have no intention to change you," I shouted. In my eyes, I saw him stopping his steps. I sighed, "I just want to know you… the real you. I want to see your side that no one has ever seen before me."

"And why do you want it so badly?" he asked.

"To prove," I said. "To prove that you recognize me not as the same as you recognize everyone else."

"Fool," he said, still refusing to look back. "If indeed I recognize you as the same as everyone else, I would have asked what you could give to me before I said my approval to your propose."

"And if indeed I want to change you, I would not have asked you to be my love that night," I said.

We fell too a deep silence that followed soon after I let those words slip from my lips. He neither turned his step nor moved forward. And I could only watch, satisfying my craving for him just by looking at his back. A soft sigh penetrated my ears and in vain, I saw him walking away.

Maybe indeed it was the best, for us to walk away like that and take our separate ways. But in my heart, so deep so I couldn't quite reach it with whatever power I possessed, I kept having my denials. I just could not just let him go from me like that. I wanted to run after him, to catch him, to have him as mine and mine alone.

Really, I was a possessive someone…

I went back to my room and thought of spending the rest of my evening by reading a book until I got tired and lulled to sleep. I had more than enough books in my shelves to keep me awake all night long, but as I stood in front of the orderly lines of books I placed on the shelves beside my bed, I frowned. My fingers betrayed me as they made a way on their own and grabbed a thick book with red cover. Atobe gave that book to me via airmail in my sixteenth birthday, a certain book titled 'Complete Works of Edgar Allen Poe'.

The image of Fuji Shuusuke flooded in my mind the second I touched that innocent book, and I could not help my mind from wondering. I wondered what he could be doing that moment. I wondered if my words had hurt him too much. I wondered if he too had that book standing on his shelves and at the time being was staring at it as I too was staring at the book in my hand. I wondered if he hated me. I wondered if he ever loved me.

So many questions, yet I knew, I would never know the answers without his help.

I did not know what power it was that had caused my legs to move toward the door, or what that had made my hands to grab the doorknob. I did not know what had awakened in me, but I felt myself running faster than what I had done before in my entire span of lifetime, only to stop abruptly due to some lacks of air and sudden awareness.

I was being stupid. I was so eager to meet him even though I knew not where he probably was that time. I knew almost nothing about him. I did not know where he lived; I did not know how he lived; I did not know with whom he lived; I knew nothing about those. I was indeed a stupid person, but maybe God pitied a desperate soul like me for He awarded such a gift that I never thought myself as someone worthy enough to get.

There stood on the rim of my vision field a personification of beauty whom I adored so much in the name of Fuji Shuusuke. He stood still, ever so still even when I made my way to reach him, even when I wrapped my arms around him, even when I kissed him passionately.

"Why?" he whispered in my ears. I heard tears in those words though I was sure that the lips from which they came was bearing none but an angelic smile.

"I want to see you," I whispered back. I cared less of what people might think if they saw us embracing like that in public. I gave no place for any logic to exist in my mind. I just wanted to embrace him with all my might, so he knew that I loved him still.

Stupid, indeed, but being in love was maybe the most stupid thing to begin with. We were stupid, but in our stupidity, there was happiness, no matter how fake, how little, or how fragile it felt, there was still happiness.

"Your frankness amazes me," he said.

"Your indifference astonishes me," I said.

He pulled out from my embrace and gazed right through my eyes with those ethereal blue eyes of him, "Still want to know what is behind my smile?"

"More than anything," I answered.

"Then…" he said. "I shall show you everything I have in me,"

That time, it was I who asked, "Why?"

And I would never forget his answer as he touched my lips so gently and said.

"Because I love you."

– end chapter 3 –

(A/N : OK, still following this poor fic? You make us really happy (smile) reviews will be nice… it seems that college is the worst thing ever happened in our life… yeah, it is, but writing fic is great, even though our fics are… duh, kinda messed-up…maybe… since we're no expert in literature (lame excuse…) anyway… thanks for all of your encouraging reviews… none of you managed to actually poison us! How sweet… so now can we please ask for some reviews? Not want to sound like begging, but… okay that makes us seem like begging even more… augh… sorry for rambling like that (sigh) hope you all have a good reading and watch out for the revelation of Fuji's story in the next chapter!)


	5. His Story

Title: Never Ending Evergreen

Author: DnKS – giRLs

Rating: T (now we get it right in standard, yay!)

Pairing: TezuFuji

Disclaimers: first, The Prince of Tennis is not, has not been, and will never be ours. Second, this story was inspired by the sweet romantic story "La Dame aux Camélias", which, sadly, is not, has not been and will never be ours. It shall belong to its respective owner, Alexandre Dumas, forever. Now… what do we own!

Warning: AU, a bit of …. over romantic and OOC (sigh…)

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_Yonder see the morning blink:_

_The sun is up, and up must I,_

_To wash and dress and eat and drink,_

_And look at things and talk and think,_

_And work, and God knows why._

_Oh often have I washed and dressed,_

_And what's to show for all my pain?_

_Let me lie abed and rest:_

_Ten thousands times I've done my best,_

_And all's to do again._

_(Lancer by A. E. Housman)_

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Chapter 4 – His Story

I took him to my room after that. I walked beside him, carefully holding his palm in mine. His palm felt so little in mine, not to mention how cold it was until it left me wondering for how long had he been standing there, out in the depth of the night, before I found him.

Together, we entered my room. I guarded him to my bedroom and there we sat side by side on my large bed. We just sat there in silent until I felt the silence became something unbearable in a way or another. I wanted to speak but I found none to be said at that time. It was then I heard him chuckling.

Gently I tilted my head and met his face, silently asking the reason behind his action.

"It's maybe the first time of these recent years where I find myself sitting casually on one's bed without any means of sexual intercourse," he explained. "It feels so peaceful… somehow…"

I looked at him as he said those words. God, if he could feel peace just by sitting in my bed, I was more than willing to keep him forever there. I wanted to keep him by my side, in my arms, with my love, but something prevented me from doing anything more than just staring silently at him. It felt almost as if I was afraid to touch him. In my eyes, his silhouette in the darkness that was illuminated by the shy beams of moonlight looked far more ethereal than anything. He looked like an unearthly creature; heaven spoke about itself in him.

"I'm glad…" I said. "That you can feel peace here."

He smiled to me, but his smile was different from those which he usually gave. His smile that time was sincere as he spoke, "Yes… me too. I have never felt this way for a very long time; you are the first person that ever shows this affection to me since my father passed away."

He sighed and I knew that he would start his story soon. Reminding myself not to let anything escape from my hearing, I brought myself closer to him.

"I was raised in an orphanage ever since I was born. My mother passed away just a week after my birth, poverty and disease has taken her in a very young age of twenty. That disease too now eats up my body just like it did to my mother long time ago. My mother had no relative and I knew nothing about my father. The authorities then put me into an orphanage. I lived there until I was five. We didn't have much in that orphanage but we were happy, the people who took care of us were so kind, and by my fifth birthday, they said that I would have a new family.

"I did not know then what family meant. They said it meant that I would have a father, a mother, and even some siblings. I was so happy. I almost could not wait to see my new family, and when I saw them for the first time, I was so happy, really, I loved them then, even now, I still love them…"

I heard a soft cry escaping his lips. Shocked, I raised his face and looked right through his watery eyes. He seemed so much in sadness though I did not know why. I could do nothing than to dry his tears with my own fingers and smiled encouragingly at him.

"If you don't want to continue, you can stop," I said.

He shook his head and smiled, "I have promised you."

"I don't want to see you sad," I said. It was the truth; the sight of him crying is one of the saddest things I had ever seen in my life.

"If you are there to wipe my tears, I have no right to be sad," he said. "Now… I just told you of how I met my family. Yes, I met them, my father, my mother, and my big sister, Yumiko. I thought that we would live in happiness but I was too naïve. My father really did love me. My sister Yumiko… well, she's quite nice to me. But my mother seemed not able to live her life without beating me at least once every day…"

I frowned. That was something I had never expected before. Even though they had no blood relation whatsoever, but doing that to a child was far from good.

I wanted to speak up my thoughts but I halted my action when I saw him. It seemed that he would prefer me to let him speak without being disturbed. Therefore, I kept my mouth shut and waited him to continue.

"I can understand her actions, though," he continued. "Besides, how could she be quiet when her husband brought home his illegitimate child?"

I stared at him wide-eyed at that statement but he seemed not to notice my gaze.

"At first I didn't know what could that possibly mean but slowly I learned. I learned many things… too many things for children in my age. I learned that they took me from the orphanage since mother could not give a son to the family and they needed me to run the family business when my time came. I still could do nothing though, so I just let mother did whatever things to me. My father too seemed not able to stop her, he realised what consequences would come by his action of taking me home. I could live with that, I could pretend that my family really loved me; at least I knew that father really loved me, and it was then I started wearing my smile in front of them because mother didn't beat me as hard as usual when I smiled to her. She was just lonely and desperate since she could not give my father a son. Maybe in her heart in fact she did not hate me that much or at least that is my hope.

"They put me in the best school to get the best education. I need to tell you that the fact about me being my father's illegitimate child remained unknown that time. I lived a happy life, until it suddenly was destroyed to pieces.

"When I was fifteen, many bad things happened that ruined my family. I don't know why, but it seemed that I was cursed that year…"

He chuckled a little but I noticed how his voice trembled when he continued.

"My father's best friend cheated on him and made him lose all his company. We then lived like an average family, we didn't fall that much to become poor, my father's savings was enough to sustain our live. But more things happened. My father had an accident and he died. Mother had her depression deepened after father's death and she accidentally slipped the information about me being my father's illegitimate child to public. She felt sorry after that and committed suicide. My sister Yumiko was forced to break up with his fiancé by his family after they knew about me. It was her luck that her fiancé really loved him and so they eloped and I have never met her ever since. As for me, I was forced to face the reality alone, with my father's bequest that was enough to sustain my life yet I lacked in love and warmth.

"And so, life had never been the same again for me, at least in my love life. I had a boyfriend back then and he dumped me as soon as he heard that news, not too bad though since I didn't love him so much, but still the fact that he dumped me so harshly hurt me. He said mean things like never wanted to be together with a dirty filth like me and all… I almost cried that time, luckily, I didn't… I even gave him a hard punch on his oh-so-gorgeous-face…

"I had another love affair after that… many of them since I was so lonely and needed someone to love me. I knew I was being pathetic but I couldn't help it. However, it turned out to me that my lovers, all of them, only seek my body and nothing more. Yeah… how could a normal-and-elegant-not-to-mention-rich man possibly love someone like me who was only a poor miserably person without clear status whatsoever…

"Then I began this habit of mine. At least if they did not love me, I still can have something else from them. I cannot ask for love but money always fills my hands every time I ask it from them. What I needed to do was to wake up every morning, wear my smile and pretend that I was in love. That's what has made me like this, Tezuka Kunimitsu, and this is the end of my story."

My reaction did not come as swift as I hoped it would be. It was strange since I was so proud of my ability to react fast in any kind of circumstances, yet that time I just stared dumbfounded at him, unable to pull my voice out from whatever place they had been hiding somewhere in me.

Maybe it was the night, maybe it was his face, or maybe it was both that had made me feel so heartbroken. If only I knew that making him tell his story would mean so much pain as what I saw in his face that time, I would not insist myself on doing such thing. I did not have the right to.

I felt his fingertips touched my cheek rather hesitantly as if he was afraid that I would shove his hand the second it was contacted with my skin. But I did not. I leaned to his touch and without knowing why, I felt like crying.

"Now you have heard my story, you have known already what a person I am. I am not a beautiful angel, Tezuka. I know that nobody will love someone like me, but this is my way of living," he said, his eyes were filled with sadness and I found that his gracious smile was not even visible on his face anymore. He had dropped his mask for me. He really loved me.

"I have heard your story, yes," I said. "And I have known you. But still I can't understand something very simple."

"Hn?" he said.

"Why do I still love you?" I whispered those words. Slowly I pulled his body to my embrace and said those words again in his ears. "Can you tell me, Fuji Shuusuke, why do I still love you?"

I felt he buried his face deeper to my chest. A sigh penetrated my hearing and it sounded relieved, happy, and unbelieving in the same time. He shivered in my arms, that lovely person whom I had selfishly taken as mine.

"You are hopeless," he whispered.

"We are," I agreed.

"And I thought you have never asked me if you were allowed to embrace me," he said with a soft chuckle.

"Ah," I said. "Do I have to ask your permission?"

"Yes, of course," he said. "Who do you think you are?"

"Your lover," I said with certainty. "As you are mine."

He fell silent afterwards that made me rather inconvenient. I felt as if I had said something wrong. In the dim light of the moon, I saw him biting his lower lip.

"What is a lover?" he asked. "I heard that word many times but I have never quite comprehended what is the meaning behind it."

I had no answer for that question for I too myself had only thought of the word 'love' lately after that fateful meeting with the person I held in my arms that day. I stroked his hair, thinking what the best answer I could give him was.

"Say…" I said. "I know that you've been in this kind of… relationship for such a long time, but tell me, have you never – at least once – found yourself really in love with one of your… partner?"

He frowned, I could feel he do so in my embrace.

"Why did you ask such things?" he asked sharply.

"I just want to know," I said. "I can't believe if you said you have never loved somebody before."

"And how about you?" he said, rising his face up and looked at me seductively with his bright blue eyes.

"I… well, of course I have loved someone but… now I think those were just some little crush…" I said. "But you have changed the subject. Now, be a good boy and tell me."

"If I do not want to?" he challenged.

"I'll make you cry," I smirked.

"How dare you," he pouted.

"Oh, come on, Fuji, stop this and tell me," I said.

He smiled for some seconds then said, "Shuusuke."

"I beg your pardon?" I said.

"Call me Shuusuke and… and maybe I'll tell you…" he said in such a cute way.

I smiled, "Kunimitsu."

"I believe I've known your name already," he said, but I knew that he understood what I meant.

"I know you have… Shuusuke," I said.

"I have," he said. "For both…"

"Hn?" I questioned him silently.

"I have known your name and… I have been in love before," he said. "It was stupid though. I knew he did not love me since he left me like every one of my partner did to me, but I still loved him so badly. I'm pathetic, ne?"

I decided not to answer that implying question and rather said, "Everyone is pathetic in the matter of love, including me… and you."

He smiled, "Indeed we are."

"So," I asked. "Did he ask your permission before he embraced you?"

I heard him laughing softly as he answered rather playfully. "He did."

"Then…" I said. "Can I embrace you, Shuusuke?"

That time he really laughed hard as he brought himself deeper in my embrace.

"Of course you can, silly," he said. "You are my lover after all, as I am yours."

We enjoyed each other's presence after that. No more words I let pass my lips nor had he said any word either. We just stayed like that, embracing one another, feeling one another, loving one another. The moon slowly made its journey across the night sky and I realized it was far too late for him to come back to his room.

"Stay," I said.

"Huh?" he asked rather sleepily.

"Stay here for tonight," I said. "I promise I won't do anything to you."

He laughed, "Even if you do I don't care."

I sensed no real harshness in those words and I knew he was just joking. Smiling, I laid him on my bed with my arms still enveloping his lithe body. I covered us both with my thick blanket and as I felt him cuddled closer to me, peace would not have another way to describe as something more than that.

And then, a thing crossed my mind.

"Who is he?" I said.

"Hm?" he said sleepily.

"The one you said you have been in love with, could you please tell me his name?" I said.

"Why?" he said. "Are you jealous?"

"No. I just… curious…" I said.

"Curiosity can lead to jealousy, you know?" he said.

"If you really enjoy that much playing with me, do it tomorrow okay? I'm sleepy now but I can't get to sleep before I know the name," I said, half grudgingly.

"Ah, so indeed you're jealous," he giggled, but apparently he knew when to stop his play for he raised his face a little bit to meet mine.

"Fine, you want the name?" he asked.

I nodded and expected him to answer. What I did not expect was the name that would gracefully roll from his lips. What I did not expect was the gleaming in his eyes when he said those words. What I did not expect was how all the blood seemed to leave my face as I heard him saying.

"Atobe Keigo."

– end chapter 4 –

(A/N : chapter four is finished (dance around the room) ouch (bump into their piles of works) darn! Oh well, you see, we still have more works to do. Life is cruel but reviews are sweet, so we can conclude that if we put those two things together, we will have some sweet cruelty before us? Our logics are so messed-up! Ah, and yes, reviews… well, please… anything except another pile of work will be nice, even a trip to hell can do, at least there isn't anything called deadlines, right? But of course we prefer some sweet words of encouragement… oh, and no poison, please… the cat next door has just died so now we don't have any tester for the poison you sent. And… uh… so very sorry that we have to… err… eliminate Yuuta's presence because the story demands so… though we don't have any bad intention… uhh… OK, we'll stop now, so you can start reviewing. Hope you enjoy reading this… see you again next chapter (continue to dance) shit! (fall into another pile of unfinished work) we've told you, ANYTHING BUT ANOTHER PILE OF WORKS!)


	6. Doubts

Title: Never Ending Evergreen

Author: DnKS – giRLs

Rating: T (now we get it right in standard, yay!)

Pairing: TezuFuji

Disclaimers: first, The Prince of Tennis is not, has not been, and will never be ours. Second, this story was inspired by the sweet romantic story "La Dame aux Camélias", which, sadly, is not, has not been and will never be ours. It shall belong to its respective owner, Alexandre Dumas, forever. Now… what do we own!

Warning: AU, a bit of ... over romantic and OOC (sigh…)

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_Cruelty has a Human Heart,_

_And jealousy a Human Face,_

_Terror the Human Form Divine,_

_And Secrecy the Human Dress._

_(A Divine Image by William Blake)_

_-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------_

Chapter 5 – Doubts

I had just known why people said that for some matters, one was better off not knowing. In my case, the matter was something with someone named Fuji Shuusuke involved in it. I admit that I could almost have no sleep after I heard those words come gracefully from his lips. I could see his eyes glimmering as he said the name of my best friend with his lips that were still rosy and warm with my kisses. I had him that night but somehow my mind was in turmoil. I held him in my arms and watched him sleeping peacefully while I was awake for almost the entire night.

I felt like I had stolen him from Atobe. I tried to say that it was not true. I tried to reason that he had said he loved me and that I should believe him. I loved him too, but there was something disturbing my mind. He had said that he thought Atobe had never loved him since he left him, but I knew better. I knew that Atobe had loved him more than anyone had, I could see it in his eyes. I could not help myself from thinking if everything would change if he knew that little yet crucial fact. Would he leave me and get together with Arobe instead? Somehow, I felt so selfish because I thought I would never able to release him and let him go. But to have him in his unknowing state, that made me feel even worse.

Before I realized it, I had developed new feelings in my heart, feelings that I had never encountered before. I felt rage in my desperation and confusion. I felt jealousy with Atobe. I felt insecure in my fear.

But I felt love, obsession, and selfishness altogether. If I could hold my little heaven that we had built in our time together, I would never let it taken from me. I might be cruel to him, but love is selfish from the very beginning.

I gave the thought no more concern after that, though it was proven as a hard task to do. I said nothing to him about my disturbed mind. I could not help myself from flinching a little when he woke up the next morning and smiled lovingly and innocently to me. I could not help my heart from stirring with guilt when he kissed me before he dashed to his first class and disappeared from my sight. His lips were warm, his hands were soft, and his whole self had become the centre of my world just after some days after our first meeting. It seemed illogical but I could not deny it. I wanted to keep him, and because of that, I could not tell him my thoughts.

I was a very possessive person. I knew it, yet I could not do anything about it. I tried to forget about my thoughts, but heaven forbade it.

I met Atobe on my way to my first class. He regarded me with an understanding smile. I could not imagine if he would regard me with the same smile after he knew the fact that I had been let to know the previous night.

"So," I heard he begin when we had sat on our respective chairs with a laugh in his voice. "Did everything go smoothly?"

"What do you mean?" I said, trying to evade talking about it.

"Last night you brought him to your room, didn't you?" he smiled. "Rumours spread fast here, you know."

"So why do you have to ask?" I said to him.

"Still the same Tezuka, I see, never let anything personal on surface," he said. I saw his arrogant smirk and could not help myself from asking him.

"Do you still love him?"

I asked that question without warning and I could see a moment of confusion passing over Atobe's face. It was brief and soon was replaced by something resembled slight resentment.

"What is this? Are you jealous of me?" he asked sharply at me. "I will never let myself involved in love with someone who has already belonged to another person else than me. I am not that low to commit such a disgraceful act."

"I know it, what I am asking is, if he is not with me, and if he loves you still, will you go after him?" I asked again. I felt Atobe's gaze piercing through me as if he tried to read what was behind my words.

"I don't know why did you ask that, but my answer is yes," he said. "Nevertheless since he has already been with you and thus proves that he has chosen you, I will never touch him. I still have my pride to say these words to you, Tezuka."

The lecturer entered the class then and I was given no more time to even consider Atobe's answer in my head. But at least there was one thing I could get, so very clear and straight.

Arobe Keigo still loved Fuji Shuusuke.

And, I dared to say, I did not think that I would able to stand the possibility of fighting over one person with my own best friend. But at the same time, I too felt like I would never able release Fuji again from my arms.

Those thoughts were racing in my mind until I felt that I could not focus my attention to what was the lesson that day. The world might crumble for all I cared yet I still thought that the matter that was running in my head that time more important than all.

I chuckled cynically in my mind. Where was the old Tezuka Kunimitsu who usually thought that it was such a pitiful thing for a man to be disturbed by a mere thing called love? Where was the old Tezuka Kunimitsu who used to believe that love was just a sweet word without any meaning behind it? Where had he gone, I wondered, my old self who had never before considered such thing called love?

Why did people always talk good about love while in reality, there was higher chance of getting hurt than happiness when you were involved with that simple thing of love? I could not understand, yet I too could not understand about myself. I knew that my relationship with Fuji was dangerous since the very first but I still wanted to keep him as mine. Why? Because, as cheesy as it might be, I loved him. I loved him and I did not think I could stop loving him. Even now after so many times and even he himself had passed from my life, I still love him. So you can imagine how much I loved him then, and additionally, you too could understand why I felt so uneasy about him.

I did not want to lose him.

I could not lose him.

I must not lose him.

I did not know how I spent that day. I just remember that when I got back to my room again that night, I was greeted by a dark empty room. He did not come back and though I knew I should've not expected him from the very first ­­­— he had no obligation to do so and I too had no right to make him do so — I still had my disappointment.

The next day came and I still got no news from him. I did not know what I should take his disappearance as. I knew that it might be that he was just a little bit busied by his classes or such that he could not manage to meet up with me, but my mind had gotten so messed up that I could not help but thinking if his disappearance held some connection with what we had talked that night. It was possible that after he had told me about his past that he came to a conclusion that he did not actually love me. It was possible for him to think back about his love for Atobe and decided to go for him. It was possible that he was repentant of his decision to tell me his story and now took distance from me because of it. I did not know.

The next day came and still I got no news from him. At that point I started to feel that something had really happened. Thee were near to no thing that could possibly make him unable to contact me in two consecutive days, right?

I could not focus my mind to my study again. I had become such a pathetic person and I am not ashamed now to admit it. Atobe noticed that something was off then but I said nothing to him. I knew he might take my action as an offence directed to him but I don't think I would be able to tell what was behind my perplexity to him.

The next day came and still I got no news from him. With a dejected look then I took my cell phone, thinking to give him a call but decided against it. After all, I did not have his number.

The next day came and still I got no news from him. I threw away all my hesitation and consulted someone from his department if he had Fuji's phone number. I gave him a call but he did not pick his phone up. After my unsuccessful fifth attempt I got frustrated and went to his dorm room whose information I got from the very same person who gave me Fuji's phone number. I knocked but nobody answered me. I tried to open the door but it was locked.

I tried to wait but he never came.

I went back to my own dorm room when the sky had gotten really dark. My watch revealed the time as somewhere around midnight. I had spent many hours sitting in front of that closed doors of the supposedly Fuji's room with no avail. Neither his shadow nor the news of him I could get. In my disappointment, I then decided that I could do nothing just by sitting all night long on that cold tile floor. It could bring me nothing save some stiff body on the day afterward. Sure, I was upset but I could do nothing, really nothing.

I saw that Atobe's lights were still on when I passed his room to get to mine own. I thought that finally I could use some company and debated in my mind whether I should knock his door or not. In the end, that very door opened not by my own and it revealed the sight that was most unexpected for me to see that time. For there, with my own eyes, I saw the object of my current thought come out from behind that door and I felt my breath stopped in my throat.

Fuji Shuusuke stared back at me with his fathomless blue eyes with such emotion on his face that I could not have a handle on. Many seconds passed with us not doing anything save just watching each other in complete silence. I was too afraid to make any noise. I simply could not believe the sight that was being displayed before me and maybe, just maybe, if I did not say anything, the sight would disappear to nothingness and all would be fine.

It was such a stupid thought.

Our eyes locked for what seemed like eternity. And I knew then whether I liked it or not, that scene before me was indeed reality. I just saw with my own two eyes the figure of someone whom I cherished as my lover coming out from the room of my best friend. Our talk some previous days ago came into the surface of my mind and I could not help noticing some bitterness that rose in the depth of my heart.

I broke our eye-contact. Without saying anything to him, I resumed my walk to my own room that was situated on the immediate right side of Atobe's room. I did not look at him again, not even once, not even when I walked past him so close that our shoulders almost touched. I just walked, without even turning back. And he just stared forward, without saying anything to me. He just stared forward with his beautiful eyes that I so adored, though staring at what I did not know.

The door closed before me with a soft click. I took a deep breath and looked around my dorm room. I knew that behind that door Fuji was still standing, staring forward in silence. There was only a weak wooden door that separated us but I felt that actually there was really something bigger than anything splitting us apart.

And for the first time, I noticed how cold I felt that night was.

– end chapter 5 –

(A/N: chapter 5… anyone ordered chapter 5? Still fresh from the oven, yo! Go get it while you can, but remember to leave some reviews afterward! Sorry if this chapter is kinda short… and messy… and awful… and rambling… duh, now we're sure nothing's good in this chap… darn… but anyway, still, please leave your reviews. You see, though we don't accept flames, we do accept many things worse than that. so, what are you waiting for? You've read this chapter and NOW YOU MUST PAY! So, dearest readers… (smile)… REVIEW!)


	7. Talk

Title: Never Ending Evergreen

Author: DnKS – giRLs

Rating: T (now we get it right in standard, yay!)

Pairing: TezuFuji

Disclaimers: first, The Prince of Tennis is not, has not been, and will never be ours. Second, this story was inspired by the sweet romantic story "La Dame aux Camélias", which, sadly, is not, has not been and will never be ours. It shall belong to its respective owner, Alexandre Dumas, forever. Now… what do we own!

Warning: AU, a bit of …. over romantic and OOC (sigh…)

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_You say you once lov'd me, and lov'd me to madness,_

_But ah! Are you sure you felt as you said?_

_Or could you, unmov'd, see me thus plung'd in sadness;_

_Unmov'd, could you see all my feelings betray'd?_

_(Alas! Forgive Me by Charlotte Dacre)_

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Chapter 6 – Talk

How much did I love Fuji Shuusuke? If you asked me, I would surely answer that I loved him more than word express. I loved him then, and I love him still. I had no doubt that I loved him, but that love that I felt was the very cause why I could not bring myself to face him.

His message came to me very clearly the next morning after our midnight 'incident'. I had no time wondering from where he got my number. As far as I knew, I was greeted by a text messages that spelled directly from the screen of my cell phone the words saying 'Please come to my room tonight - Shuusuke -'.

He wanted me to come to his room, I snorted. Well, maybe he wanted to break up with me or something…

And suddenly, my heart was filled with anger. The mere idea of him leaving me and my love for him was not something I can contend with so easily. He could not just cast me away like that. It was too cruel of a thing for him to do. I knew that if I did not release him, I would be the one cruel to him, but I cared less. He was mine and I didn't want him to go away from me. I did not want to be hurt, I would never let myself get hurt, even if in doing that I had to hurt somebody else in the process, even if in doing that I had to wound the one I loved the most.

Therefore it was no such of a big surprise if I shoved the thought of ever coming to his room to the back of my head. Whatever things he wanted to say, he might say them but I wouldn't hear any of those. I wanted to hear no excuse; I wanted to hear no explanation

I just wanted to run and disappear and think that all those things were no more.

But I just knew how the world hated me so, for I could not live that day without the name of Fuji Shuusuke spoken to me whether it was by my own subconscious mind or somebody else who happened to be my friend. I could almost stand it no more. It had already been some sort of miracle that none of my classes that day matched with Atobe's thus it was quite easy for me to manage not to see him. I did not know what I should say to him if I were to see him.

Though I did never even once meet him that day, there were still words about Fuji spoken to me until I thought it was plainly a cruel torture in a form or another. And when, during the lunch time, Oshitari Yuushi, the same person who had once, though indirectly, triggered my meeting with Fuji and our getting together afterwards suddenly spoke about Fuji, I thought I had had enough.

"I did not expect to see you here today," he said casually to me when we were seated in front of each other facing our meals in the rather empty students' cafeteria. "I thought you would surely go to the main library."

"And why should I?" I asked.

"Because Fuji Shuusuke was there."

"Ah, he was there?"

"Yes."

"Alone?" I asked further.

"No, he's with some of his friends," Oshitari smirked. "You don't have to get jealous though, I could say that he treated them no more than mere acquaintances."

"That's none of my concern," I said, knowing very well where this conversation was heading to.

I saw him laugh and say, "Do not even you try to deny that. I know that you're his lover now."

"Who told you that?"

"Everyone with eyes can see such an evident fact," he said with gentle smile. "I give you my congratulation, my dear friend, he is a great person to be together with, I have already proven that myself. It's not everybody who has the chance so stick with him for I'm convinced he will surely do you credit."

That simple reflection I had from Oshitari put my mind to another state of thinking. I recalled my earlier conversation that I had with Atobe some days prior. I remembered how Atobe had said that no matter what kind of living Fuji had been leading, he would never cheat on someone whom he took as his lover. And was I not his lover then? Should I believe that simple statement and let that awkward moment we shared the previous night as some kind of misunderstanding?

I thought so hard until finally I dared myself to ask, "Were you his lover once?"

He knotted the fingers of his both hands as if thinking, "I was, indeed."

"Why did you break up with him?"

I saw Oshitari stilled but as fast as a blink of an eye, he maintained his composure back to the normal self. "I had my reason," he said. His eyes were calculating me and he snickered. "But I assure you it was not because of any third party like what those cheap romance novels always said when they were talking about a reason of why two people who were in a time together suddenly broke up."

Hearing his words I frowned, "And why did you believe I thought it was because of someone else that the two of you broke up?"

He smiled, "You should go now; he was waiting for you."

It was strange but I did not feel any irritation at his somewhat brave proposal for me to search for Fuji. I even felt somewhat assured at his calm and to some extent warm suggestion and nearly ten minutes afterward, I had already found myself standing inside the grand building of our main library with my eyes busy searching a figure I had so much loved.

But I could not see him anywhere. Though I had searched even to the most remote part of the building, still I could see nothing of his presence to satisfy my interest. I then remembered his text message that inquired me to meet him that night. I had my doubts whether to come to his room at that very moment or should I wait for the night to come. In the end, I chose the latter and thought that maybe I could use some of my time resting in my own room since I happened to have no class for the rest of that day.

What I had never expected was to see Fuji standing before the very door that lead to my room. But there he was, standing calmly before me when I was about to go entering my room. I could speak no words; I was just standing there, trying my best to keep my face indifferent. He too said none at first. We were just staring at each other, assessing each other, measuring each other without even bothering to say something as a form of greeting.

I didn't know how long we just stood there, unmoved, as if we were held by a strange power that made us unable to even move an inch from our current position. The tension between us was so thick that I was amazed we still both could breathe.

"I cannot wait until tonight," he suddenly said. "Can I come in?"

I stared at him with numerous emotions running in me. There was sadness, and anger, and betrayal, but above all, there was love. Yes, I still loved him, and yes, I could not say no to that pleading face. Though I knew that I would not likely to see that kind of face directed to me again if my worst trepidation was proven true, but…

I loved him…

And that love was the only thing made me nod as my approval to his request. Together we entered my room and once we were inside I found myself not knowing of what should I do then. I could do nothing more than offered him a seat and afterwards, let the silence of the room reign over us, until finally he opened his mouth.

"You're angry at me," he said. It was not a question but a simple statement. I said none to correct that, I too said none to deny that. But it seemed he had already had his own concept of what my thought regarding the matter for he continued not so long after with a sigh. "What am I in your eyes, Tezuka Kunimitsu? Do I deserve none of your trust? Have you put none of your faith in me?"

I was shocked by his statement. I thought that he would try to defend himself, to sweet things out like so many of people I have found, but no. Rather than that, he attacked me at the first opportunity and I was left astounded by his act.

"Can I trust you?" I merely asked.

He smiled sadly, "That's your own choice to make."

"How will my choice be, after what I have heard, after what I have seen?" I asked again. "I never like it when there are things hidden from me. If you want to end this now, say it plainly before me and I will release you."

"Can you accept it?" he asked.

"Can I not accept it?" I asked back.

He sighed again. Now that I had better view to his face I noticed how pale he was under my gaze. His skin looked so sickly white and there was unhealthy red tinge colouring his cheeks.

"I have nothing to hide from you," he said. "I have no reason to do so."

"You love him."

"I loved him," he said, then he raised his face and I saw tears in his eyes. "But I love you."

That was all he said before he turned his face away from my sight. I frowned in realizing something I should have realized before.

"I loved him, yet that was all in the past," he said again and I chose to keep silent. "I thought that the experience was enough to teach me never to think so highly of love. I will only get hurt in the process if I have so much hope in something called love, something that I know I will never get, not in this lifetime anyway. I give myself now to one thing, now to another, but not to love. There were people trying to get me for one reason, and the other for another, but never for love. Yet I give my heart to you sooner than to anyone before, do you know why? Because you were there when I was in misery, because you did not run away, because I thought that you understood me, because I thought you loved me as I you.

"I am not belonging to myself again. I always search for someone who will love me for my impression and not my body. Such man I found in Atobe Keigo once but our ways did not happen to connect. He left me just like everybody else. I loved him then, and the realization that we could not be together as what I hoped saddened me so greatly. Love has deceived me many times but still when you came to me presenting what could have been love, I had no power not to take it. And here I am now, trapped in the same predicament I once have had."

After saying all those, he threw his body back to the sofa on which we both sat and stifled a cough. The act of talking had drained him from his energy; that I could see. I stared at him with awe. Never had I imagined that he could say such things. Never had I imagined that he could have that much power, that much passion in him.

"I'm sorry," I suddenly said, much to my own surprise.

"For what reason?" he asked.

"Even I know not," I admitted. "I just think that I have to say that."

"Say only truth, I've become so bored of lies," he said in bitter tone. "What say you now, Tezuka Kunimitsu?"

"I love you," I said plainly.

There was silence after that then I heard a sound I least expected for that time being. I heard him choking back a sob and I saw a drop of tears glistening as it made its way down his fair cheek.

"Can I believe you?" he said. "Do I have the right to? I'm someone of no worthy, my dear friend. You can cast me away anytime you like. You can throw me like trash for whatever motive and I have no right to even ask for the reason why. Can I believe you, my dear Kunimitsu? Can I believe that this thing between us is indeed love?"

"I can ask the very same question to you," I said as I extended my hand to touch his cheek. "Can I believe you? Will you betray me never? Will you love me ever? Dare you to put me into sadness or could you just simply plunge me into madness? Can I believe you and your love, Fuji Shuusuke? I need your words because we are just two people confused by love or whatsoever thing it is that exists between us."

He spoke none at first but then he said something which might have been totally irrelevant.

"I was in Atobe's room yesterday," he said and I stilled. I drew my hand from his face and waited for him to continue. "I had no intention to do so at first, believe me. I just knew from my friend that you were searching for me so I decided to come to your room," he said calmly. "I passed out."

"Pardon?" I said.

"I passed out, lost consciousness, whatever thing you may call it, before your door," he said. "Atobe found me and brought me to his room. We have some talks and nothing more. That was all that happened. I am not trying to make myself an excuse or what. You may believe what you want to believe, I will not hate you if you are not to believe my words."

I thought for a moment then said, "Do you love me still?"

"I love you," he said without hesitation.

"That's enough then," I said before I captured his lips in a deep kiss. How I missed his lips, I thought, how I missed him. I loved him so much that I felt all my doubts cleared up by hearing his words alone. He said he loved me and that only was enough. Now what was left in me was only a little bit of shame, a little bit of regret, and a great deal of worries.

I ended the kiss soon after. His lips felt feverish, his skin was hot under my touch. He was so sick that I was afraid of hurting him if we were to do things further than that.

"I'm sorry," he said. "And don't ask for what reason do I feel sorry, I just think I have to say it."

"I understand that sentiment perfectly," I said to him, smiling a little. I saw him giving me a very bright of a smile as he brought his hands up to touch my lips.

"There," he said in sheer happiness. "This is my pride."

Then he kissed me again and I sensed something there. There was such a dire need, such raw passion so strong that I almost frowned. I felt his hands guiding mine and in an instant I knew where his acts were leading to.

I took his hands and removed them from my body. With a soft gaze I looked at him and said, "You don't have to."

He nodded, "But I need this."

He bit his lips before raising his face up and smiled at me. "You have already shown me your way of loving," he said with his charming smile. "I have yet to show you mine. Please, Kunimitsu, this is my only way to show you my love. I don't know how else I should love you but I want to show you that there's love I want to give to you. This is my whole self for you to take, to claim, to have. This is my love without anything else beside it. Look at it, take it if you may, throw it if you want, but just let me show you, please…"

I contemplated over his words and in the end I found that he was not the only one needed this. We both needed this. I kissed him again and sensed desperation in both of us. We were just two desperate people tangled by the power of love in our journey to find it. We could do nothing. And what could I do to prevent it?

So I just let it come, and when it was time, I might let it pass. I should enjoy what was given to me and give what I could offer. It was as simple as that, even in such matter called love, even in such matter that involved me and someone named Fuji Shuusuke in it. He gave me his all, I gave him my all, until finally there was neither his nor mine. What we have had simply become ours.

And somewhere along the way, I just knew that our love should stand.

– end chapter 6 –

(A/N: okay… still following, dear readers? What do you think of this fic, eh? No, no, don't talk, we can't hear you anyway… better you give us some nice reviews about your opinion on this fic… or if you hate us that much, you can throw something nasty at us… well, just don't kill us yet. Please wait until you read the words 'the end' before you do so, okay? This chapter is tough, you know… it has survived through many things! There are earthquakes (we have so many earthquakes visiting Indonesia lately), sickness (one of the authors caught a very high fever), thunderstorms (luckily our computers did not get struck), deadlines (people from the Students' Executive Committee have no word called 'holiday' in their dictionaries, it seems) and many more! Phew! But we can finally deliver you this chapter! Hope you like this and we expect to see you next chapter… or so we hope… you'll read next chapter, right? Right! )


	8. Friends

Title: Never Ending Evergreen

Author: DnKS – giRLs

Rating: T (now we get it right in standard, yay!)

Pairing: TezuFuji

Disclaimers: first, The Prince of Tennis is not, has not been, and will never be ours. Second, this story was inspired by the sweet romantic story "La Dame aux Camélias", which, sadly, is not, has not been and will never be ours. It shall belong to its respective owner, Alexandre Dumas, forever. Now… what do we own!

Warning: AU, a bit of …. over romantic and OOC (sigh…)

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_The human heart has hidden treasures,_

_In secret kept, in silence sealed;--_

_The thoughts, the hopes, the dreams, the pleasures,_

_Whose charms were broken if revealed._

_And days may pass in gay confusion,_

_And nights in rosy riot fly,_

_While, lost in Fame's or Wealth's illusion,_

_The memory of the Past may die._

_(Evening Solace by Charlotte Bronte)_

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Chapter 7 – Friends

The earth woke up from her slumber as the gentle ray of the sun came peeking from behind the horizon. The shade of red slowly marched over that dark eastern sky to rule there in proud comportment. The air was cool, as cool as what a perfect morning in mid-spring could be. And I just could do nothing but savoured all those and smiled.

It would be a lie if I were to say that the very reason behind my smiling face was all of those things I had mentioned before. No, the very reason of my smiling face was none other than the lithe figure who laid contentedly beside me, deep in sleep.

To see Fuji Shuusuke as the first thing when one woke up was surely a blessing, I mused. He looked so beautiful, even in sleep though I thought maybe I should have expected that. Memories came over me, forcing my mind to replay what had happened to me, to us, the preceding day that had lead us to the situation which I had no complain with. There, in that room had we spent our afternoon and night afterward together at ease for all the doubts had been cleared up from my heart. There, in that room had we ventured into the place which we might never dare to enter before. There, in that room had I claimed him finally, completely, to be mine and mine alone.

Slowly I let my face descend until I could feel his breath on my lips. A kiss I carefully planted on his brow, not wanting, never wanting to disturb his peaceful sleep. His skin still felt feverish to my touch; that alone had been a worry to settle into the depth of my heart. But I thought I could do none else than just letting him to have the much needed rest in hope that it would make him better.

With a sigh I got up from the bed and helped myself to dress. I had thankfully no class for that entire day, given the fact that it was weekend. Thus I was enabled to do something I knew I had to do, with or without my wanting. There were still things I needed to work out, and to do that, I had to leave my room. The idea of leaving the sleeping Fuji alone in my room seemed intolerable at first, but the idea of waking him up proved to be more painful than the former one. That said, I then managed to write a note informing him of my whereabouts if he might wake up during my leave and after once again I planted a kiss to his brow, I exited my room.

I exited my room, only to go to and knock at the door of the room next to mine own.

Atobe's face greeted me when he opened his door. At first we were just staring at each other then I took a breath.

"I need to converse about something with you," I said. "May I come in?"

"And why is it suddenly we have something between us that we need to converse about?" he asked with a smirk well hidden beneath that cool façade of his. I sighed; I knew it would be a long infinite play of words if I did not put an end to it quickly.

"Because I am at fault and now I come to say sorry," I said in half grumble. "Now move aside and let me in."

"Tsk… where's your manner, Tezuka?" he sneered but let me in nonetheless. I breathed out in relief when I had comfortably seated in one of the chairs inside Atobe's room. A cup of tea was placed before me and I frowned.

"Why the formalities?" I asked.

"If you haven't yet noticed, Tezuka Kunimitsu, this is called hospitality," he said. "Now drink before it turns cold and speak."

"If you haven't yet noticed, Atobe Keigo, no man could speak and drink in the same time," I said back at him. We glared at each other before he finally snorted. Even I had a lightest of a smile playing on the corner of my lips. Not daring to imagine what Atobe would say if he saw me smiling like that, I seized the cup of tea and took a sip.

"Now have you admitted your stupidity, your mistake, your stubbornness, and moreover, your erroneous suspicion of me?" Atobe said in such a way that was only pertinent to be done by a tragic opera actor on stage and I only managed a remorseful look.

I did not have to ask how he could possibly know about all those jealousy and doubts I held in my heart for him. Things had always been like that for the two of us, he would know my secrets better than anyone else in my life, and not even my parents could outmatch him. I felt it sometimes was unfair, he could see so much of my heart yet I could do no such thing on my behalf. Even until that very time, I was sure that Atobe still kept so many things in him, his secrets, his dreams, his hopes that I would knew seemingly never.

"I admit that I've jumped into wrong conclusions," I said. "I'm sorry… and I mean it…"

He stared at me for a while and then snickered, "Cannot blame you though. You have all the right to be suspicious after all that you have seen and heard."

"Still I don't think it's proper for me to doubt my own best friend and lover…"

"In fact, because we are your best friend and lover you should doubt us more."

I chose not to comment on that. I gazed silently at the figure before me and I felt my respect toward him grew even greater than before. I could not explain it clearly of what had made such thing happen, but in my eyes, Atobe had suddenly become a very astute adult that I almost felt ashamed of my stupid suspicion over him.

"We had a talk that day," he said again.

"I know," I replied. "He said it to me… we too had a talk yesterday…"

"I have cleared all the things between us up," I heard Atobe said with a slight bitter tone. "They shall remain in the past forever. You will see yourself not bothered by them anymore. Fear me not for I will never snatch away your happiness from your hands. Let those things I have shared with him, the thoughts, the passion, the hopes, remain forever in the past, and if they should be forgotten, I shall forget."

I nodded embarrassedly, "And now I feel like I'm the villain here."

"Oh, feel free to feel like that," Atobe said and I snorted. "Though maybe that will make me be the chief of devil for I was the one who plunged you into all this things regarding someone we both felt so dear in the name of Fuji Shuusuke."

I blinked. Suddenly my chest tightened though I knew I should not feel so. I knew that it was not jealousy now that was taking on me. What was it I knew not. Maybe it was guilt, but for what, I thought. I realized that Atobe was the one who encouraged me to go after the man whom I had bravely claimed as my Fuji Shuusuke, yet when I faced his somewhat regretful face, I wondered if I had made the right choice.

"Should I say sorry?" I dared myself to ask.

He gave his most proud gaze to me that could make common people quiver in defeat and said, "Do it and I shall sever all ties between us."

I sighed, "So don't make that face before my eyes; it makes me think that I've done something really evil to you."

"So don't see me when I'm making this face," he said back at me stubbornly.

"Ah, so we're back to this again," I said and Atobe laughed. Ever since we were little we always had that stupid argument over almost everything that we encountered in our every day's life. It was relieving in one way or another. And I realized then that having someone like him as my friend was one of the greatest blessings I was allowed to have on earth. Heaven above, even this very time I still hold him in my heart as someone so precious that I dare to swear my loyalty to him.

"Should you not go back to your lovely prince?" he asked me with amusement. His words reminded me of my so-called 'lovely prince' whom I had so boldly left alone in my room.

"Yes, it seems I must go now," I said as I stood up with him following suit after me. "Thank you for… all of this… especially this talk, it really helps me a great deal."

"Sure," he said. "But remember though I have no claim upon him again, I still care for him deeply so if you break his heart I will see your every bones broken as well."

I said nothing but I knew that he understood without any words spoken of my silent promise never to hurt Fuji again. Or at least I would surely try to do so.

I had already been out of the door, Atobe accompanied me outside, when one thought hit me hard. Abruptly I turned my face and stared at him intensely which was rewarded with a frown.

"What is your connection with Oshitari Yuushi?" I said to him with a hint of glee in my voice.

He sighed, "That, my friend, is something rather being kept in one's heart and not to be said aloud."

"You're in a relationship with him," I said.

"I chose not to say anything as regards the said argument," he said though the look in his eyes was enough to prove my curiosity. But if he did not want to say, I had no intention to prod further. So with some final farewell, I went back to my room and found Fuji sitting solemnly on my bed. He had already dressed himself and smiling upon my entering the room. Seeing that, I could not help a slight smile from making its way to my face.

He looked so serene, so very ethereal when I walked to him. We shared a kiss before I dropped my body and sat there so very close to him. My arm I had encircling around his shoulders and my shoulder I gave for his head to rest upon. The heat of his body still remained that made me think how sick he truly was.

"I had some chat with Atobe," I explained my disappearing some moments back to him though I knew not why I did such thing; he should have read the note I left him. "It's good to have all the things cleared up between us."

"It's good to hear seeing as he's a dear friend to me," Fuji said. "Though we cannot last as lovers, I still don't want to lose him as friend."

"He's so dear to me also," I admitted.

"Kunimitsu?" he said, addressing me so softly.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Can we go?" he whispered. I did not know why but I too dared not to raise my voice above whisper. The silence felt soothing to me and maybe that was the case why we were just whispering to each other.

"Go where?" I whispered.

"I don't know, somewhere…" he stopped for a moment. "I want to see the evergreens again."

And then I remembered about the first time we met under the evergreens. That time was weeks ago, maybe over a month back or more, but the memory of how he stood there amidst the green woods was still vivid in my mind.

"You want to go there?" I asked and he nodded. 'There' meant that place where we met. It was just a little excuse of a forest near a small clearings located almost adjacent to our university complex. There we met, and there should we come back again to renounce what had that simple meeting brought us to.

"After you recover yourself," I said to him. "You're still sick, if by the next weekend you're already healthy, I will take you there."

"With everybody else?" he asked and I knew instantly that the 'everybody else' meant Atobe Keigo.

"With everybody else…" I said. "Though maybe it will be hard to have Atobe come along without his beloved on his side."

There and I heard a lovely sound of his laughter filling the air. Without any attempt to hold back he laughed until he finally stopped. Those brilliant eyes were looking at me afterwards with the remnants of his laugh still lingered there together with a glint of wicked happiness.

"I knew it…" he said.

"Knew what?" I asked.

"He's with Oshitari Yuushi, right?" he said to me, and as much as I wanted to deem that the said thing was true, I realized that I knew almost nothing to prove its genuineness. So I just smiled at him as I tilted his chin, saying something that Atobe had said to me earlier.

"That, my friend," I said with laughter in my eyes. "Is something rather being kept in one's heart and not to be said aloud."

–end chapter 7 –

(A/N: finished at last… muah… really hard to have this chapter finished… but thankfully, it's finished! Yeah, so… um… finished chapter meaning reviews, right (though indirectly) so if you by any mean reading this fic, it's only polite to drop some reviews, right? So. Please, be our guest… (smile) and worry not, we still accept… err… 'unusual' things as reviews… duh… why can't we make any more creative author's note! As if there's somebody really reading it…. but anyway, we're so happy that you are still following this fic and we do hope to see you in the next chapter (smile) and btw, have we said anything about review…? Just to remind you though (laugh) really, we mean not to threaten you to review… no, absolutely not…)


	9. The Passing of Time

Title: Never Ending Evergreen

Author: DnKS – giRLs

Rating: T (now we get it right in standard, yay!)

Pairing: TezuFuji

Disclaimers: first, The Prince of Tennis is not, has not been, and will never be ours. Second, this story was inspired by the sweet romantic story "La Dame aux Camélias", which, sadly, is not, has not been and will never be ours. It shall belong to its respective owner, Alexandre Dumas, forever. Now… what do we own!

Warning: AU, a bit of …. over romantic and OOC (sigh…)

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_Life! we've been long together,_

_Through pleasant and through cloudy weather;_

_'Tis hard to part when friends are dear;_

_Perhaps 'twill cost a sigh, a tear;_

_Then steal away, give little warning,_

_Choose thine own time;_

_Say not Good night, but in some brighter clime_

_Bid me Good morning._

_(Life by Anna Laetitia Barbauld)_

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Chapter 8 – The Passing of Time

The thought of time rarely ever crossed my mind in my days of past. Why? I knew not. It's just that when you had everything in your hands, time seemed like an unimportant matter that could do none to you. But shame was on my part who thought so little of the ancient power of time. Shame was on my part who never stopped to think what might be of the days before my eyes. Shame was on my part who always realized things when it was already too late.

And that applied, in a very vindictive way, in my matter with someone I held so dear. My Fuji Shuusuke, my dear love one. I have failed him in my inattention of what the power of time might bring upon us. I do not seek for forgiveness, for I am of no worthy to receive such an amazing treat, but please let me say these words of my most humble prayer and respectable apology.

My love, I am sorry.

I had been too much engrossed in our happiness that I failed to notice such a simple yet crucial thing called time had begun its toil on us. In my bliss with him, I had forgotten what could possibly lay bare before us. Indeed the months I spent after our reconciliation had brought me to a state of happiness far beyond what I could have imagined before. In those months we had nothing to fear. We laughed, we loved, we were simply being together.

He was my happiness. My days, weeks, and months with him were the happiest in my life. I might have told you in the beginning of how I loved him then, of how I still love him now, but I wish for you to see every step by which we came, I to love him more than everything, he to hold me dear beyond anything.

It was the day that remarked the third month of me being together with him that we walked together leisurely across that certain place on which we were first met. Under the evergreens I once again found myself standing beside him like what we had so often done recently. The air was humid as it was in the middle of summer, but he seemed not to mind of it. We were just walking and enjoying ourselves, talking if we felt the need, and more than once did we stop for a brief kiss.

And it was then that suddenly he made me realize of the time that had passed between us.

"Don't you realize how long we've been together?" he said as he threw his face to meet mine. His eyes were gleaming with laughter and his smile was never fading.

"Three months, I think…" I said. "Time really does fly, doesn't it?"

He laughed, "Indeed, and that's why we are sometimes failed to notice some important things because of it…"

I frowned. He seemed to see my frown for he then explained it more thoroughly. "I speak for the passing of time," he said. "We are often too much engrossed in our sadness, or in our happiness, that we don't remember that time still flows like ever regarding not of our feeling."

I saw him closing his eyes briefly. I fancied myself seeing a look of something that resembled sadness passing over his face but I knew not what was it or what was the cause. I just knew that it put my heart in such a turmoil that I could not bear.

"Is there any reason why do you speak about this now?" I asked, already afraid of his answer though I did not know why.

One thing I knew from Fuji Shuusuke was that he seldom opened his eyes. He only did so when he felt the need to. So when that time he opened his beautiful blue eyes fully to look at me with such a serene smile upon his lips, I knew whatever thing he was about to say was serious.

"Kunimitsu," he said in such a voice that sent something akin to a creep to travel down my back. Time was freezing for me when he said his next words. "I am dying."

And those three simple words made the world we had happily built seem to crumble. For seconds I had only managed to stare at him with my feelings running wild in me. He said no word as I stood there facing him. He said no word, he spoke no phrase, and even his eyes told me no more than what he had previously revealed to me.

My Fuji Shuusuke was dying.

Those words were not supposed to exist in whatever language ever subsisted on earth. Those words brought something to my heart which I identified as sadness and I could not help from showing it on my face.

"You are not," I said calmly as if to run from the cruel reality we had to face.

"You must face it, I am dying," he said without any mean to sweeten his words. "These days and even months we spent together are beautiful and I am glad for it, but I cannot run from the truth. These months that have made me happy beyond relief have also made me walk closer to my death. It was inevitable, I am dying, and yet, I am happy."

"I am not," I said.

He only smiled without saying anything as his reply to my words. We had stopped walking then, we just stood there feeling the wind caressing our skins. It was so soft of a wind that blew between us, as soft as his hands as he cupped my cheeks in his two palms.

"I love you, you know?" he said.

"I know," I said. "I love you enough to deny your death if it shall ever come."

"But I won't," he said with his eyes that seemed to be more saddened by my words. "I will embrace my death if it shall come and you too must accept that."

I grabbed his palms that were still cupping my cheeks. I took them in mine and brought them to my lips to kiss them before I held it before my chest. We had been together for so long, we had done far more intimate things than that, yet it by far up until now was something I always cherish as one of those most intimate moments I ever had with him.

"You ask for something I don't know if I will ever be able to do," I whispered.

"If I can do it, so can you," he whispered back. "I have gone past those states of denials and anger and now I have come to my acceptance. Am I wrong to hope you will somehow, someday, accept it too? For I know it will be harder for you to let go of me otherwise."

"I will find a way to keep you," I said thought we both knew when those words passed my lips that there was no such thing possible. I knew he was far beyond anything that medical world could offer. It was just our desperate attempt, my desperate attempt, in believing that there had to be a way to keep him forever with me, to keep him alive.

"Don't push yourself, Kunimitsu," he chuckled. "You love me and that's enough. And beside… I know that this might sound strange but the prospect of dying is not entirely unwelcome now… for me…"

Shocked, I drew a breath. I let him know my feeling by showing it on my face. And seeing that, he only smiled.

"It's confusing, I too feel it that way," he tried to explain. "When I was all by myself, without anyone for me to love or anyone to love me, I felt averse to die, yet now that I have… all that I have dreamed… friends, love, loyalty… I… somewhat I don't feel like that again…"

"Are you saying that now you're eager to die?" I almost shouted in shock.

"No, it's not like that. I felt remorse of parting with life, that's for sure. I have you, I have people around me that I can call as my friends, of course it's hard for me to say goodbye, but now that I have gained everything that I have ever dreamed of, I feel that I can finally die without regret," he said before he stopped as if thinking. I watched him as a small chuckle coming from his lips and a somewhat sheepish grin broke on his face. "I must sound ridiculous."

Strangely, that did sound so ridiculous in my ears. Somehow I thought I could understand his point, or at least I thought I tried to understand. What I still could not understand was how could I ever able to accept the prospect of him leaving me in the near future. Somehow, I deemed it as such a hard task to do.

"Are you really happy with all that?" I asked finally.

"Well, not entirely, I mean, who can be so happy over the prospect of his death?" he said with a laugh. "But the fact that I can claim you as mine and give myself for you to claim as yours is enough to make me happy beyond any other happiness I have had. And that is enough. I have had what I always wanted: my own happiness, my own dream. That is enough."

He stopped for a while but reading from his visage I knew that he was not finished. Thus I spoke none; I waited for him to continue. It actually took him quite long to continue his speech and when he did, he said something that I thought at first was something totally irrelevant with his previous speech.

"I like this place," he said then and I frowned, trying to read where those words would lead to. "It's so quiet and peaceful… I hope that I can have such place like this to be my last resting place, a place where wind always blows, where the trees are forever green, and where you will always come to remember me."

He looked up at me and said, "Forget me not when I'm gone."

And finally I smiled, "I think I can do that very well."

He smiled too before he threw his self to my arms. In impulse, I put my arms around him and secured him in my embrace. I felt his fragile self shaking a little and I knew I was not imagining the feeling of wetness on my shirt.

"You have not asked me if you could embrace me," I said to him.

He laughed a bit chokingly, "I haven't, have I?"

I kept silent. It was just moments before he spoke again.

"Kunimitsu…" he said. "Can I embrace you?"

"Aa…" I answered.

"Can I also cry on you?"

For that, I did not answer, yet his tears had already flown free from his eyes, seeping into my shirt, into my skin, into my heart, where I too cried with him.

I could not recall how long we spent there holding each other like that. It was somehow cliché: some lovers cried because they would be parted from each other. And it was pure coincidence that the sun happened to set when that scene took place. As I observe it now when I recollect that moment, I could not stop myself from thinking of how cliché it was. I held him who was crying in my arms while the sun was setting in the background.

Still, it was different because I was participating in it. It was not just some random couple crying in sunset like those old cheap romance movies that people so fond of watching. It was me and my love that stood there, feeling sadness overlapped with love.

And somehow, that did not seem so cliché at all.

At last, when the first star had appeared on the darkened sky, we released our hold of each other. Seeing into his eyes, I found no regret there. He was serious when he said that he had accepted his inevitable fate. He was serious when he said that he was happy enough with having me on his side.

I too was happy enough having him with me, and I thought I had somehow accepted the worst possibility could happen to him. But that was just me and my stupid, childish thoughts. I thought I accepted it, but in fact, I could not.

No… I still can not…

That night I walked him to his room. After giving him a good night kiss I returned to my own room. The events that happened that day came again to me full force as I lay on my bed that night. I wondered why he suddenly brought up that matter at that certain day, was there any reason behind it.

I did not hope to get an answer to that question of mine, nevertheless I got the answer. As a matter of fact, I got it the very first thing on the following morning though it was not a kind of answer I hoped.

The ringing of my phone woke me up from my deep sleep. It was just the very beginning of dawn and I wondered who could be trying to talk to me in such a time. The caller ID gave out Atobe's identity and, with a frown, I took the phone up.

Hearing what he said, my mouth was opened, my eyes were widened, and even my heart seemed to stop beating for an instant.

One hour after that phone call, I was still sitting on the floor of my room, wearing nothing but my pants, and with dry eyes. This fact seems unimportant, but if you consider what news I had heard from Atobe that time, you would expect me crying heartily. Yet, I could not cry. My mouth tightened, my palms fisted, my heart ached.

But I still could not cry.

That was how I came to my consciousness of my own foolishness in thinking that I had accepted Fuji's words that he had said on the preceding day when in reality, I still could not. I knew it then, in a very hard way.

Realizing that, I smiled a little and with it came a single drop of tears from each of my eyes. That was all I let to pass before I got up and dressed. Some moments later I had already found myself in my way to the place where he was at that current moment.

I walked, without even once turning my back, to the hospital that Atobe had said in his phone call earlier. His words were still ringing in my mind though I still could not make use the most of it. I just grabbed the words Fuji, collapsed, and hospital.

But really, that was enough, right?

And what a coincidence it was when I remembered the previous day when Fuji was still smiling beside me, saying those words with his soft voice.

'_That is enough.'_

I gritted my teeth as I opened the door of my car: that was enough. I tightened my lips as I started the engine: that was enough. I braced myself as I drove through the empty highways: that was enough.

Yet I cried.

I cried: that was not enough.

- end chapter 8 -

(A/N: drama and angst and sap and cliché in a single chapter, what say you? Just send us the review, then (smile) we consider death threat as review too, worry not… at least that shows people really care for us so much they want us die, and even tell us about it (sigh) so anyway… good encouraging reviews are always better… hope you like this chapter and please note that we now don't accept nuclear waste as review… that's bad for environment…)


	10. Beginning of an End

Title: Never Ending Evergreen

Author: DnKS – giRLs

Rating: T (now we get it right in standard, yay!)

Pairing: TezuFuji

Disclaimers: first, The Prince of Tennis is not, has not been, and will never be ours. Second, this story was inspired by the sweet romantic story "La Dame aux Camélias", which, sadly, is not, has not been and will never be ours. It shall belong to its respective owner, Alexandre Dumas, forever. Now… what do we own!

Warning: AU, a bit of …. over romantic and OOC (sigh…)

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_A sense of real things comes doubly strong,_

_And, like muddy stream, would bear along_

_My soul to nothingness: but I will strive_

_Against all doubtings, and will keep alive_

_(Sleep and Poetry by John Keats)_

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Chapter 9 – Beginning of an End

I always hated the idea of hospital ever since the very first time I set my step inside the said building when I was just a little kid. I hate the smell of disinfectant, the sterile white sheets, the gloomy green walls. I hate the aura I got there. How could a sick person ever got better in that kind of environment was something beyond my comprehension.

And that sentiment was still standing when I entered a rather large hospital building that morning. Atobe's phone call that came to me earlier that day had urged me to come there as fast as I could. And so coming there I was. Without putting much effort in slowing down my steps in the hallways I strode past the people to the waiting room where I found Atobe sitting somewhat stiffly on one of those uncomfortable chairs placed there. I did not need to announce my presence for before I could speak even one word, he had already turned his head and faced me.

A moment passed between us. He sat there, unmoving, I stood here, unmoving, the world revolved around us… ever revolting.

"Where is he?" I asked him with a voice that I barely recognized as my own.

Atobe sighed as if he couldn't care less, "Somewhere…"

"Atobe!" I shouted and ran to him. I grabbed his shoulders and looked straight into his eyes, minding not of how some nurses complaining about my shouting earlier. "Where the hell is he? I swear if you don't tell me, I'll…"

"Sit down and behave!" he shouted back at me with such an authority that made me obey him in mere seconds. I found myself then seated beside him. I knew my face must look so awful for anxiety had gotten the better part of me already. And, seeing Atobe's expression, he was in a pretty much same state as I was.

I covered my face with my hands for a while, trying to calm my breath, my heart, my feeling. It was hard, and I thought we really made a scene that time, two grown up men, one with his head between his hands and one with his teeth busy biting on his nails.

I snickered. Atobe had that habit of biting off his nails whenever he was really anxious, and that was really rare. I knew from past experience how he would surely get mad afterwards when he saw the masterpiece he had created on his perfectly-manicured nails.

"Exactly, what's happened?" I asked finally. I lowered my hands and placed them on my lap, feeling that I had somewhat become calmer than before.

Atobe stopped biting his nails for a while before he shrugged, "He was unconscious so I brought him here."

"Can I ask a more thorough explanation than that?" I asked. I saw Atobe thinking for a while then he began biting his nails again. "Stop that, Atobe, I know how you adore your nails and I don't feel like listening to your mourning later when you realized what have you done to your oh-so-perfect nails."

Amazingly, he did stop. But even after he had stopped, he still proved me no further explanation that I demanded. He just sat there in silence, eyes gazing forward to something not belonged to the world of men.

And strangely, I did not feel really disturbed by his silence. It was almost as if I did not expecting him to really answer at the first place, so when he did speak up again, I found myself almost started.

"I had a dinner with Yuushi last night…"

"Date?" I cut him halfway. I could feel his annoyed gaze being directed to me yet he continued.

"Fine, I had a date with Yuushi last night and afterward, we did something that made me unable to come back to my room before it was nearing dawn…"

"Sex?" I cut him again. I could tell then that Atobe was really annoyed but I couldn't help asking it.

"Fine! We had sex like wild animals and I came back to my room when it was already three o'clock in the morning," he stopped. "When I walked to my room, I passed his door and I saw that his lights were still on."

By 'his', I knew that he meant Fuji's. I frowned at the information he just gave me, considering the events that took place between Fuji and I on the previous day. I knew that it was just on the brink of the night when I walked Fuji to his room the day before. I expected him to go to his bed directly, seeing how tired he looked that time. I could not guess why he kept himself awake for so long.

I voiced out my thought to Atobe who nodded in hearing it.

"I was confused too, for as far as I knew, he is not someone who loved to stay up late," he explained. "I thought that there must be something wrong so I tried to phone him, but he did not answer. I knocked at his door and got no answer either. I knew that he couldn't possibly be asleep, he cannot…"

Atobe stopped and for a moment looked as if he was reluctant to continue, but it just lasted for mere seconds and afterward he resumed his speech though, I observed, he refused to look directly into my eyes.

"I know that he cannot sleep with the lights on…" he said. "We… he could never sleep whenever the lights were on…"

"How could you…"

I stopped myself from asking the obvious at the very last moment. Of course Atobe would know, I chided myself. He had known Fuji longer, better than me…

He was, after all, his lover once…

An uncomfortable silence passed between the two of us. I knew that it was a fact I had to accept that my best friend and lover were once involved in such a love affair; I even thought I held no grudge over it. But still, that was a touchy subject for the both of us.

The silence was broken by Atobe's coughing and I found myself jerked back from whatever thought my mind had developed to produce at that time being. With a little start, I looked back at Atobe who seemed wanting to carry on with his explanation.

"So, I thought there must be something wrong," Atobe continued. "I found his door unlocked so I entered and I saw him spread out cold on the floor so I brought him here and gave you a call."

He ended his explanation there and went silent. I knew he expected me to say something but I could only ask, "That's all?"

"What do you expect?" he asked back.

And truthfully, I knew not what else I did expect from him. It was far more than enough - his explanation; and it left nothing more for me to desire. He had told me everything he knew. He had shared them all with me. And all of those he had said to me only added up one conclusion: it was there, the beginning of an end.

I faced it then, the inevitability, as what Fuji called it when he talked about it with me the day before. It was no coincidence, I believed, that he chose that certain day to talk about matters concerning his fate, or in a more crude way, his imminent death. He knew that his time would come soon and so he talked with me.

For what, I wondered.

And the answer came: so that I could let him go.

I exhaled. Ah, Shuusuke, my Shuusuke, did he know not that no matter what had been said, what had been told to me, it wouldn't change the trouble I felt in the idea of ever parting with him? How could he anticipate me to accept it so easily, knowing how great I felt for him?

Shuusuke, my brave Shusuke, the one who faced death with no fear in his eyes, how could I ever let him go? He might have no fear, but I could not speak the same for me…

My eyes wandered off to Atobe who sat beside me. He had already begun biting off his nails again. So seldom did I see that much worry surfacing on his clear eyes, yet now I found those eyes clouded with nothing but worry toward none other but the one we both held so dear. That same intensity of worry too, I believed, must be apparent on my face. No, I did not think that the concept of his death would ever settle down with me.

And with Atobe as well…

"How is he now?" I asked the most important question then. Atobe stopped biting his nails at the sound of my question.

"Sleeping in his room I guess…" he said.

"You guess?"

"They do not allow anyone to visit him yet," Atobe said and I saw him thinking for a while before he continued. "They want you."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Those doctors… they said they wanted to discuss some issues about his health with someone…"

"Ah," I said. That too was not unusual. The doctors wanted to discuss about a patient's health with his or her relatives was something I should have expected. But since in Fuji's case his relatives were out of question, it was of no wonder that they would look up to me as one of his closest people. It was natural for them to discuss matters concerning his condition with me, but I knew they could do it with Atobe as well.

"Why don't you be the one to discuss it with them?" I asked.

"I'm not his lover," Atobe said softly.

"You're our closest friend, our brother in everything but blood," I said, staring straight into his eyes. "I know you are worried about him, I know you love him, why don't we go together?"

He smiled a little, "I have no right over him, Tezuka, so please do not torment me so by reminding me of something I've long lost."

"Who said that he was lost to any of us?" I argued. "I am a selfish person, Atobe, you know that about me. Put the blame on me; just consider this as my pleading to you. I cannot face it alone and I need you for I know I would break without you. Can I ask this simple request of having you sharing my sufferings?"

He opened his mouth and then snickered with a shake of his head, his arrogant smirk already played on the corner of his mouth. He stared at me with a gaze that forever I would never forget for I saw there an intensity of respect and devotion far exceeding each and every gaze he ever directed at me before that time and beyond.

"Wherever did you learn to talk so charming like that?" he snorted.

I only shrugged, "Years of knowing you must have caused some permanent damage to me."

"And you really don't want to back out, yes?" he asked and I shook my head. I did truly need him to be with me in facing whatever things those doctors wanted to say to me. Atobe had always been my anchor of power and without him, I might break. He was the one who always reminded me of hope when I could see nothing but despair though I suspected it was just him and his arrogance that prevented him from losing to something people had dubbed as fate.

He chuckled, the very first chuckle I heard from him that morning, and it lift some burden off my heart. With a better mood that before, I stood up from my seat. He followed me suit and without thinking, I grabbed his shoulder. There was a smile breaking on his face. There was smile breaking on my face. There were uncertainties ahead, doubts, fear, and even death, but there was him beside me and there I was beside him. And together we would survive, because…

… Because there was someone named Fuji Shuusuke in both of our hearts.

And so, with those thoughts in our minds, we walked and faced our fear together.

- end chapter 9 -

(A/N: sorry for the very late update, there's a problem with one of our member's health…We hope that you enjoy this chapter, and do please give us your review after you read this)


	11. Be Near Me

Title: Never Ending Evergreen

Author: DnKS – giRLs

Rating: T (now we get it right in standard, yay!)

Pairing: TezuFuji

Disclaimers: first, The Prince of Tennis is not, has not been, and will never be ours. Second, this story was inspired by the sweet romantic story "La Dame aux Camélias", which, sadly, is not, has not been and will never be ours. It shall belong to its respective owner, Alexandre Dumas, forever. Now… what do we own!

Warning: AU, a bit of …. over romantic and OOC (sigh…)

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_Be near me when my light is low,_

_When the blood creeps, and the nerves prick_

_And tingle; and the heart is sick,_

_And all the wheels of Being slow._

_(In Memoriam, by Alfred Tennyson)_

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Chapter 10 – Be Near Me

It was raining outside. Those drops of water fell on everything, wetting everything, cleansing everything. Everything but my face, it seemed. For could I still spot a wet trails on my cheeks, they were not some wet trails that belonged to the rain that was still dripping outside. No, not the rain. Though still, it was raining outside.

It was dark outside. Time had already passed and now it was nearing midnight again. Many a-thunder passed and illuminated the night sky. They also illuminated the room I was sitting in, but never could they penetrate the darkness I held in my heart. Never, and still, it was dark inside me as it was dark outside.

And there, within my palms, I held his hand. There, before me I spotted his sleeping form, so peaceful in his deep slumber, minding not with the world, minding not with my own anxiety. Fuji was sleeping; he had been sleeping ever since he was brought to that room hours ago. He had been sleeping through every treatment those doctors gave to him. And now, finally he could sleep with only me on his side, though I did not know what difference it brought to being.

A thunder passed again and it was then I saw him opening his eyes. Those blue orbs were glistening in the dark as they scanned the environment before they took notice of my presence. A smile bloomed on his face which was still so very pale ad his weak voice came to my hearing, saying, "Morning."

I held his hand in my palms tighter and move forward to give him a chaste kiss. I did never think of correcting his word and tell him that actually it was the very middle of a night when he opened his eyes.

"Welcome back," I said as I resumed my position back after finished kissing him.

"Have I gone that long?" he asked.

"Not really," I answered as my hand absent-mindedly stroked his hair that made a perfect frame to his face. "You were just sleeping for almost a whole day but it was enough to make us very worried."

He frowned, "Us?"

"Atobe was here earlier," I explained. "He was the one who found you in your room and brought you here. He has to go back to his room tonight though, saying he had something to attend and sent you his best regards."

"Ah," he said softly. His head rolled on his pillow as he stretched his neck to get a better view of my face. "Then how about you? Don't you have something to do?"

"No, I do not," I said, though it was only partially true.

Yes, it was only partially the truth, but I chose not to voice out the whole truth. I chose not to say anything to him regarding the phone call I got some hours before then from my father, urging me to come home. That would only add some unimportant things to his mind, I reasoned. My father did indeed phone me that day, wanting to know the reason behind my lateness to come home for usually, once the summer break was started, I would dash home without any upheaval. I knew for sure that Fuji was the only reason why I decided to stay in the dorm for that entire summer holiday but I doubted my father would see my reason as acceptable. Moreover I knew if I told Fuji about that phone call I got from my father, he would surely force me to go back home without concerning about him.

"It's summer holiday now, I have neither duty nor class to attend," I continued my words. "More importantly, how are you feeling now?"

I saw him flinching a little as he answered, "I've been better, though I think it's pretty obvious."

"Still, thank you for stating the obvious," I said.

I watched him closely as he tried to sit up in his bed. The thin line his lips made did not go unnoticed. I knew he was in pain yet I also knew that my help was uncalled for. Stubborn Shuusuke, even in his condition he still remained so wilful and pretended to be strong.

With a sigh he finally managed to sit up straight in his bed. Never once did he voice out his discomfort though by just looking at him I knew how much he suffered.

"I hate hospital," he said with a pout. "I cannot understand how come this terrible place makes those sick people's condition better before they died of boredom."

I smiled, "Great minds think alike."

He laughed, "Then why don't you just carry me outside this building then we can run to the setting sun and live happily ever after? Though I prefer you to run while carrying my body since I don't really feel like running currently."

There was a sigh and a look of defeat as I said to him, "You know we cannot do that."

A thunder passed again. In its light I saw his face, his seemingly-bloodless face, and I shuddered. His eyes glowed ethereally in the dim of the room, and I shuddered more. This delicate creature I had claimed as my Fuji Shuusuke was staring at me with so much love and sadness mingled in his eyes and for once I felt so hopeless and so lost.

"Happily ever after is just a dream after all," he said to me. "Isn't it?"

I decided not to answer his question. Maybe it was never meant to be a question though. It was just a statement that was so rhetorical that it was almost beautiful.

Silence ruled the air once more. I did not like it but I knew I had no power to end its reign. Fuji was the one who took the lead in this game between the two of us. In his hands he held all the strings, including mine.

"What have you learnt?" he said suddenly.

"Do you want to know about your condition?" I asked, thinking that he wanted to know what I had known from the doctors that took care of him. There was nothing much to tell, though. They just told me of how his strength was failing, how his body was weakening, how he would not likely to outlive the autumn…

"No," he said, stopping me from my depressing thoughts. "I want to know what have you learnt from all this…"

There was my string, I thought as I frowned and said, "They said that you would go away soon."

His eyes, I observed, held a momentary flash of fear then. But that was brief and before I could say anything, he shook his head.

"That was what has been told to you," he said. "What have you learnt?"

And then I understood. I understood his point yet I could not say it. I could not.

With a shame I brought my face down. I laid my head beside his arms. His fingers came brushing my hair like I was a child once again. Never once did he falter, he just kept silent, waiting for my answer while his nimble fingers were caressing my hair and face.

"I have to let you go," I said finally the thing that I dreaded the most to admit.

"Can you?" he asked. "Can you finally accept it? Can you let me go now?"

"I cannot," I admitted and I felt it was the most honest answer I could give to him. I had realized it when the news from Atobe reached me, I could not let him go. No matter how I had been assuring myself, I still could not let him go.

He sighed, "What else have you learnt?"

My answer was just a simple word. "Strength."

His fingers came to a sudden halt as he asked, "Strength?"

"We need a lot of strength to face this," I said as I raised my face to meet his. "You will need my strength as I will need yours if we are to go through this together, that is if you let me still be by your side to share your last time on the world of the living."

"Will you?" he asked me with something akin to a tremble in his voice. "Will you be by my side always even when my time is nearing its end?"

"If you let me," I said. "And your time will never end."

"You will have to challenge Death to do so."

"I will challenge Fate."

He smiled. He cried. I did not know which came first but his lips curved in a most beautiful smile while his eyes sprouted pearls of tears that slid down his cheeks. His lips tasted salty as he brought our face together and kissed me softly. For all that I knew, that kiss might be the last kiss we could have. He would soon fade away and memories would be the only place for me to run to whenever I felt the desire to feel him again.

But… I could not let him go. What a selfish person I was that I even denied my beloved's right and honour in peaceful death. What a selfish person I was that I hoped to freeze the time so that we would never part. What a selfish person I was that I cursed God for His wicked sense of humour while I knew that Fuji, the one who was supposedly having the worst fate out of the two of us, had not complained even once.

Without word, I took him to my embrace, feeling his warmth and breath, proofs of his life. Fate was a cruel thing. It had made us love each other during his waiting of death and amidst my denial of the existence of love.

"Why should I meet you?" I heard Fuji speaking, felt the grazing of his lips against the fabric of my shirt even. "After so long… and then you came… why haven't we met earlier… in better circumstances… in a better time…"

Those questions too had been in my mind for some times. Truthfully speaking, I did not know the answers to those questions. But I knew one thing for sure.

"I love you," I said to him.

He chuckled, "I think it holds no connection to my question earlier."

"But only that I can tell you for sure."

I felt him releasing his self from my embrace. Those blue eyes, those smiling lips, that calm face looked up to my eyes as he held me within his arms length.

"Be near me until the end of everything?" he asked timidly with a smile.

"Do you have to ask?" I said.

"I love you."

I could not help a smile from forming on my lips as I quoted his former sentence, "I think it holds no connection to my question earlier."

He laughed as he launched himself into my embrace once again. "Serves you right."

Holding that lithe frame in my arms again, I was fully aware of what might be waiting in the end of the road we were walking on. But somehow, I did not feel like thinking about it now, not when I had my arms full of someone named Fuji Shuusuke. It promised sadness, the road that we took together, but I knew it was the most excellent choice I ever made in my life to walk it together with him.

Outside, thunders were still roaring, rain was still pouring, darkness was still ruling over the air. Fate was laughing, mocking us in its twisted sense of humour. Death was lurking in a corner, ready to strike. Sadness was waiting for his call. But inside that cold hospital room, that night we fell in love all over again.

- end chapter 10 -

(A/N: weee... chapter 10 is here so celebrate! Finally we can finish this chapter... thanks to all your supports! And our member has been released from the hospital, she now hapily joins us in working on our lovely projects and deadlines given by those sweet lecturers of ours (note the sarcasm) so, so... what do you think about this chapter, ne? You can tell us by sending your reviews (smile) in other words, please do review!)


	12. To Break the Chains

Title: Never Ending Evergreen

Author: DnKS – giRLs

Rating: T (now we get it right in standard, yay!)

Pairing: TezuFuji

Disclaimers: first, The Prince of Tennis is not, has not been, and will never be ours. Second, this story was inspired by the sweet romantic story "La Dame aux Camélias", which, sadly, is not, has not been and will never be ours. It shall belong to its respective owner, Alexandre Dumas, forever. Now… what do we own?!

Warning: AU, a bit of …. over romantic and OOC (sigh…)

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_Beyond this place of wrath and tears_

_Looms but the Horror of the shade,_

_And yet the menace of the years_

_Finds, and shall find, me unafraid._

_It matters not how strait the gate,_

_How charged with punishments the scroll,_

_I am the master of my fate:_

_I am the captain of my soul._

_(To R.T.H.B., by William Ernest Henley)_

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Chapter 11 – To Break the Chains

I was rather surprised that day when I found my father in front of the door that led to Fuji's room. My father, who had been so long I not met, only stood there as if waiting for me with his cold unnerving gaze. Many questions passed through my mind, the majority of them held the same confusion as to what my father would probably want from me, how could he know about that place, and what would he do about it.

I bowed low to him for he was still my father whom I respected so much. Politely he returned the gesture and afterward said, "Come."

I frowned and gazed to the closed door. Though I could see nothing past the door, I knew inside Fuji was lying in his bed, waiting for me. I knew I should follow my father but my heart had its doubt.

As if sensing my anxiety, my father said, "He's sleeping."

"Pardon?" I said, thinking that it wasn't possible that my father was speaking of Fuji, given the fact that they had never met each other before.

"My son," he said. "I know, even though I cannot say I know everything, but I know. Atobe Keigo is inside watching over him, you don't have to worry. Now come, we shall talk."

That only added up my confusion and by any mean, my anxiety. But I followed my father nonetheless. He only brought me to the hospital's cafeteria and there we sat face to face.

Seeing my father's face made me feel like I was a little child again. My father was the sole figure I always looked up to, he was the one that had shaped me and taught me ever since my early age. And I respected him without doubt.

"I was worried about you, son," he said. "It is not your habit not to come home in summer holiday. Your mother missed you and we rarely got any news from you."

I nodded my face in something that resembled shame, "I'm sorry, father, the fault is wholly mine."

I saw my father releasing a smile, "Yes, and I believe now I know what might be the cause of your decision not to come back home this time."

My father knew. I did not know if I should feel relieved or scared with the fact being said. I did not care how could he knew, the most important thing was he already knew about me and Fuji and what else I dared not to imagine. My father knew, but what would he do?

"He is one very charming person, that Fuji Shuusuke," my father commented. "Even though I have not yet the honour to speak to him, I could understand by just seeing his face in his sleep why he can be the centre of your everything."

Those sentences my father spoke could mean anything. Watching my father's calm expression, I could not help but think that I had done something really bad and unforgivable though I chided myself from ever thinking about it. I had done noting wrong, I just loved.

"I love him, father," I said.

"I know, Kunimitsu," my father sighed. "I know."

"But I sense something," I said. "Father, you have something in your mind, something regarding the two of us. Pray tell me what it is for I cannot stop my heart from thinking all the bad things that might befall upon us, upon me and someone whom I had dared to call as my Fuji Shuusuke, the one you just met some moments ago."

There was silence as my father took his lighter and cigarette. My father seldom smoked, and when he did, that could mean he was totally stressed out.

"Kunimitsu, I know that by saying this, I might lose every single bit of respect you have in me, or worse, you might even hate me," he said. "But I still have to say this and bear the sin afterward. My son, take this as the words, as the plea of the father who loves you so much. Please sever all your connections to Fuji Shuusuke right here, right now."

My hands clenched and in a moment, there was a thought of I-should-have-known passed on my mind.

"Father," I began. "I respect you, I love you, and I will always obey your words, but only for this one thing I should rebel from your words and say my decline. No, father, I can never leave him, whatever the cause might be."

My father closed his eyes and sighed, "Even if there are more than one thousand lives at stake?"

I frowned hearing his words. I could not seem to get what the connection of one thousand lives and my relationship with Fuji Shuusuke.

"My son," my father said again. "You know the current condition of our company. Though we survived these recent years of crisis, many of our old colleagues did not have the same providence like us. Their companies could not survive and they grew bitter. Our company too, is still in its way to recover."

My father stopped and I could not help to ask, "Please excuse my intrusion, father, but I cannot seem to understand the correlation between that and my current situation."

"You know what power gossips and media have," my father said. "We have so many enemies in this world, son, and they can do anything to make us fall. If this news about you and your love affair comes to public's eyes, there will be commotion ensued and it is the last thing our company needs."

"But father," I argued. "Those people have their own affairs too, and they have it worse. I never thought of my relationship with Shuusuke as an affair, I love him."

"I know, son, believe me, I know," my father said in exasperation. "But your word of love means nothing in this cruel world of blood and vengeance. The strongest will survive, that is the law. You two have my blessings and I know your mother will give hers too if she has the chance to see you now. But you will not survive in this world. Think about your status and his, think about your position and his, think about your condition and his, and now tell me, son, do you think that you both will survive?"

I slumped in my chair. My father's words pierced through my heart and I knew that he had said the truth. I knew that I had no future in this kind of world with Fuji. Keeping him as my plaything was different from actually loving him and I could not understand how could the world view the former as the most honourable act compared to the latter one.

"If you only take your relationship with him as mere liaison, no one will voice any harm. But if you say you love him, which I know is the truth, all the world will go against you for people cannot understand that love could bloom between you two," my father said. "You are both males, with so many circumstances that stand against the union of you two. I don't want to see you ruined, son, so please, before it goes to any point further than this, please end your relationship with him. If not for your sake, then do this for my sake, for your mother's sake, for his sake."

"I think it's too late now, father," I said. "I cannot leave him, I'm sorry for not obeying your words, father, but I cannot."

"Why?" my father asked.

"I love him, father, that's why." I said. "I have promised him to be on his side as he spends his last days in the world of the living. I love him, father, and he loves me. Let me to be selfish this once, I will take whatever consequences for this decision I made, but father, I cannot leave him."

That was the last thing I said to my father that day. Afterwards we were just sitting there in silence until my father finished his cigarette. He stood up and I walked him out. We parted with a hug and never again did he speak about my relationship with Fuji.

Seeing my father's back as he walked away from the place where I stood, I felt somewhat remorseful as I remembered how I had defied his words. I knew he only wanted the best of me by suggesting that, but I had taken my own path. I knew that by taking this path I would surely cause trouble to my father. I knew that what he had said was true, I risked my family's company by taking that path.

Father, grandfather, great grandfather, each and every one of my ancestors who had built that company which proudly stood over the generations, I knew that what I decided was selfish, I realized it fully. Yet still, I could not leave him.

I met Atobe outside the door. Reading from his face, I knew that he had already known of the conversation between me and my father. My father must have told him before he met me.

"So?" he asked.

"I chose him," I said shortly.

"Won't you regret that?" he asked again.

I smiled as I opened the door, "I won't."

Yes, I would not regret that. Even now, I still do not regret what I have chosen that time. I knew that it was a risky path that I took, but when I saw Fuji's smiling face as I entered his room, I knew that forever I would never regret that.

"You're late," he said as I sat on the side of his bed.

"I talked with my father before I came here," I said, which was true.

"Ah," he said. "What did he say?"

"He said that he gave us his blessings, and that my mother would surely give hers too if she could see us," I said, which was also true. But, as they said, hidden things could also count as lies. So I did not know if what I just said could be considered as the truth or not.

"That's great to hear," he said with a smile. "I… also had some talks with my doctors before you came…"

Dreading what he might say to me yet knew I could not escape from it, I looked straight to his eyes and asked, "And?"

"They said they had nothing more to be offered to me anymore," he said calmly. "This is the limit of their ability, for this entire long they have been keeping me alive with so many medications and such, but I know when to bend down to the greatest power of all. I have had enough of this, but they could not understand that."

His face turned to look outside the window. Outside, the world seemed so gay with trees in their prime bathing in the golden rays of the sun. He looked outside with sadness, with hopelessness that was clear reflected on his eyes.

"I only want a peaceful death yet they do not let me," he whispered. "They insisted on keeping me here, forced some new medications on me, urged me to do this therapy and that, ran countless number of tests on my blood, on my body, on everything that is me. I'm sick of being the object of their tests. They never want to cure me, they only want to keep me for my money or if indeed they have the will to cure me, it is only to add up their pride. I am nothing to them but a new challenge, not a patient, not even a human, and I am sick of it."

Hearing him saying all those, I could not help but feeling that my detestation to the word 'hospital' and everything connected to it grew even more than before. I had met his doctors, and I could say that Fuji had every right to be sick of them. I could not think that I could endure it if I were in his position, to lie still and watch as they messed up with my body like what they had done to him.

I could not bear to let him experience it over and over again.

"Say," I spoke to him, making him turn his face from the window to meet mine. "Do you still fancy the thought of running together to the setting sun?"

He chuckled, "Only if you are willing to carry me because I don't think my feet will last that long to reach the sun."

"That's easy to handle," I said as I stood up. I gave him a chaste kiss on his forehead and exited the room after a brief words of, "Wait for me a moment."

Outside, I caught the sight of Atobe in front of a vending machine. Without word I approached him and without word, I touched his shoulder. Without word he turned his face and we both stared at each other before I gave him a little smirk that could easily be missed.

"Does the idea of burning the teachers' lounge still sound appealing to you?" I asked him.

"I beg your pardon," he said with a frown.

"Can a hospital do instead of a teachers' lounge?" I asked again, minding not to his confusion. "I need a distraction."

"Hmm…" he said as his fingers pressed some buttons on the vending machine and a can of coffee rolled out. With elegance that seemed to follow his every move he picked the can and asked, "For what purpose if I may know?"

"I need to get him out of here before this place kills him for real," I answered.

He tsk-ed and opened the can of coffee. I watched him as he took a single sip before speaking again.

"Tezuka, we're both living in the world of business," he said. "Don't forget what has been taught to us ever since we could barely walk. If a little effort is enough, there's no need to exhaust yourself and burn down the entire area. I say, a little disturbance is enough. You don't have to know the detail but I can swear you ten full minutes of freedom to bring him out."

That smirk I saw on Atobe's face was forever burned to my memory. I gave him my greatest gratitude as I ran back to Fuji's side. Hastily I put his coat on him and carried him in my arms amidst his beseeching me of what was I doing. Just once, when I peeked through the crack on the door to know the situation outside, did I finally answer him.

"I'm breaking the chains," I said to him as the answer of his incessant question of what was I doing.

"Meaning?" he asked.

I did not answer his question because that time I felt something. I could feel some kind of commotion and growing panic outside and that time I broke free from the room. Atobe did fulfil his words. I got ten full minutes, and even more, of freedom. It was pure chaos inside that section of hospital that day and until now I still did not know what had he done. One thing for sure, there was no fire that day.

Amidst the crowding people I carried Fuji in my arms until we reached the front gate. Don't ask me how we could do it for until now I still think of it as some kind of miracle that we could escape from the hospital unnoticed. Thanking Atobe deeply and sincerely in my heart, I carried Fuji to my car and dumped him carefully on the passenger seat. Soon we had already been miles away from that towering white building and I dared myself to look at his face.

"I cannot carry you all the way to the setting sun," I said. "Do you mind if I drive you there?"

At first he was stilled as if he was shocked but soon his laugh filled the air. Seeing him laughing so free like that, I could not help but smile. We might be stupid and the path we took that time might not be the wisest of all. But we were happy and together we pursued our setting sun. Together w pursued our happily ever after. Even though we knew, there could be no 'happily ever after' in our case, but we could still live happily, though not for ever after.

- end chapter 11 -

(A/N: and so… they ran to the setting sun. Blame us for the cliché, we're weak for those cheap-romance-drama things (meh). This story is slowly approaching its end and we hope you will stay until the end (smile). Hope you have a good reading and some reviews will be very nice…)


	13. Farewell

Title: Never Ending Evergreen

Author: DnKS – giRLs

Rating: T (now we get it right in standard, yay!)

Pairing: TezuFuji

Disclaimers: first, The Prince of Tennis is not, has not been, and will never be ours. Second, this story was inspired by the sweet romantic story "La Dame aux Camélias", which, sadly, is not, has not been and will never be ours. It shall belong to its respective owner, Alexandre Dumas, forever. Now… what do we own?!

Warning: AU, a bit of …. over romantic and OOC (sigh…)

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_Fare-thee-weel, thou first and fairest!_

_Fare-thee-weel, thou best and dearest!_

_Thine be ilka joy and treasure,_

_Peace, Enjoyment, Love, and Pleasure!_

_Ae fond kiss, and then we sever!_

_Ae farewell, alas, for ever!_

_Deep in heart-wrung tears I'll pledge thee,_

_Warring sighs and groans I'll wage thee._

_(Ae Fond Kiss, by Robert Burns)_

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Chapter 12 – Farewell

Today, I hold as true that everyone should have their own piece of heaven. Today, I believe that everyone should have a place they could call their end of the rainbow. Today, I believe that there is eternal happiness and there is love waiting for people on the place where the sun sets. Today, I believe in love, though that was not so in the beginning of my life.

I remember of how I would frown whenever I read a story where the characters ran to the setting sun in the end of the story. I could not understand what was so amazing about the setting sun, why most women always thought the idea of running to the setting sun with the one they loved as romantic. When they said they would run to the setting sun, they only meant to run to their chosen place to attain their description of happiness. There was nothing like heaven in this withered earth, or so that was what I thought in my earlier days. I initially thought of people who chased for their irrational dream more irrational than the thing they were chasing for. Happily ever after was just a dream, eternity was just a wishful thinking, and love was just a stupid idea coming from the minds of pitiful people who needed something to escape the harsh reality of the world.

But I have gained it, my setting sun, my piece of heaven, my personification of love. Within those blue eyes and amidst that clear laughter I found my own description of happiness. Short-lived as it was, the memories of that certain time in my life were nevertheless there, reminding me forever of those days long past, but never forgotten. Never ever forgotten. Until now I still could draw my breath and smell his scent in the air. I still could wake up in the morning and think that I would surely find him sleeping in my arms. I still could raise my face from whatever thing I am currently doing and think that I could see a flash of smile and slivers of two cerulean clear eyes looking back at me with love.

Yet, I know that he has long gone, gone from this cruel earth that has done him near to no justice during the time his feet were allowed to land on the said place. But as he has already gone, his memories are not. I remember still every single detail of our time before it came to an end. I remember of what exactly we did after our gallant even so stupid escape from the hospital. I remember still of our confusion, of our happiness, of our love, of our separation. And now I shall reveal them all to you, as I have decided from the very start.

Shuusuke and I, we both initially had no idea of what we should do after we broke free from the hospital. I just drove him to the dorm to collect our things and afterward we were just standing in the middle of my room, thinking of what should we do next.

It was then he laughed and said, "Let's go west."

"Why west?" I asked.

"Because the sun sets in the west, right?" he said as he pulled my hand and ushered me to my car. "Let's go west until we found a peaceful town where we could live in peace with nothing to worry about."

We did as he suggested, we drove west without any clear destination whatsoever. Yet as I saw him smiling and conversing happily with me during our journey, I knew I had done right. Three days into our journey we stopped in a small town near a hill. There was only one convenience store there and even no theatre. But as we both viewed the surroundings, we knew that it was our place of sunset.

I was happy. Oh yes, I was so happy. Finally we could live as ourselves without concerning the eyes of people around us who always scrutinized us with their accusing glare. There, in that small town, we were just some strangers which held no importance to the people there. There, I was not Tezuka Kunimitsu, the one and only son of my parents with so much responsibilities and expectations who would have his future ruined if the truth about his relationship with someone named Fuji Shusuke was exposed. And there too, he was not Fuji Shuusuke, an illegitimate child with numerous love affairs who had so much sadness in his heart. There, we were simply two teenagers in love who were searching for our happiness. There, we were ourselves, yet at the same time were not.

With him I spent days and weeks in so much bliss. Though still, there was something hovering about the two of us. Something as dark as the deepest night and as fierce as the coldest ice, something we fondly called death.

Yes, death was hovering about us. It was always there, waiting in a corner, ready to strike. I always tried not to think about it but as time passed, it grew more difficult for me to do. In many occasions I almost found myself wanting to take him back with me to that damned place called hospital. But in each of those occasions he would always smile and reminded me with his sweet, ever so sweet voice that I did not have to do that, because Kunimitsu dear, he would say, medical world would offer no help.

And I could not help but realize what he said was true. Still, I could not stand the feeling of helplessness whenever I saw him in his suffering though he was so kind as to hide it forever from my eyes. But there were mornings when I was awakened by his shivering caused by his high fever. There were days when I found him fumbling with the bed sheets, trying in vain to hide a certain blotch of fresh blood on the previously perfect white sheets. And there were times when I could only watched in pain as he lay unconscious on the bed.

His health deteriorated steadily. During the first weeks of our coming to that town, I used to take a walk with him, surveying the environment. We would walk to the hill and watching the clouds forming on the vast blue summer sky. Or we would just fool around in our small rented apartment room, doing this and that and everything in between. But as time passed, we could do none of those things again. A short distance of walking was enough to cause him panting for breath and too much activity could even make him collapse in exhaustion. Soon, our times we spent most inside that small bedroom of ours.

Sometimes, during those days, he would look up to me from where he lay on the bed. Those blue eyes would shine on the flushed feverish face and he would smile as he said, "I love you, Tezuka Kunimitsu."

And I, on my seat beside his bed, would touch his cheek and answer, "And I you Fuji Shuusuke."

Then he would laugh, and we would kiss, and I would join him in bed to embrace him as he slept. That had become something of our ritual, and strangely, though we had done it over and over again, none of us got bored of it.

Summer was approaching its end when certain news reached my ears. That time I was shopping for food in that town's one and only convenience store and a title printed large on a magazine caught my interest. There were news concerning the well-being of my family's company and it was then I realized how bad the situation really was. You see, my family's company have stood for generations and it is by no mean a small company. So when it came to a really bad situation, people would make such a big fuss about it, just like what I saw that time. There were so many gossips involved, and without surprise, I found my name mentioned in every sentence, together with another name belonged to the certain man who currently occupied my bed. There were stupid words of how I was entranced by a sinful beauty named Fuji Shuusuke. There were words of how I broke free from a hospital in a pure shameful way with him in my arms. There were even words that went as far as to suggest that the company's state of near bankruptcy was caused by the irrational amount of money I spent for him

I bought the magazine and read the entire story before I throw it to the nearby trash bin. The last thing I wanted was for Fuji to read it. He had already had so many things burdening his mind and knowing the news would only make his already bad condition worse, like what it had done to mine.

A feeling of shame crept into every single particle of my body as I imagined my father and my mother struggled to save the company amidst the accusations and sneers directed to their only son who was once their joy and pride. I had failed my family, whom I loved so much, only to satisfy my own desire. I had no right even to call them still my parents. I was torn between the ones I loved so much. If I chose my family, I betrayed Fuji, if I chose Fuji, I betrayed my family, if I chose none, I betrayed myself.

My confusion, together with my shame and vulnerability, slowly took the best part of me. I almost wished for Atobe to be there for me and then I realized what a childish person I was that I could not even handle my problems by my own.

And so, as I was drowned in my numerous feelings, Fuji came to me. His bare feet produced no sound as he approached me who was currently sitting in our guest room. He sat on my side and it was then I sensed his presence.

"Shuusuke…" I said, somewhat startled. "What are you doing here?"

"Accompanying you in your brooding," he smiled as he curled up on my side. "Cannot stand if the one I love is alone brooding in the dark, you must feel really lonely by yourself so I decided to accompany you."

I circled one arm around his shoulders. He still felt feverish in my arms.

"It's cold here, I don't want your fever to be worse," I said. "Let's go back to the bed."

"No," he said. "Not until you tell me what's wrong."

I sighed. The clock ticked slowly as the silence stretched between us. I could almost pretend that the statement never existed. Almost.

"It's just one family business, don't worry," I said, offering what I thought was truth though not entirely so.

He was silent for a while then he buried his face on my chest.

"I have something to say, but please don't get angry," he said. I frowned but nodded nonetheless and heard him continue. "Your father called you some days ago when you're out. He somehow knew we're here and said that he was around this area. He wanted to meet you and I promised him to tell you, but… I cannot…"

He looked up to me with his face bore nothing but fear. "I cannot say it to you… I'm afraid that you'll leave me after you talk with your father… I don't know why… oh, I'm really a wicked person, a selfish person, but… I'm afraid…"

As he cried in my arms afterward, I thought in my mind that he was not the one afraid, I was too. Knowing that my father actually came that far to search for me, I felt like a little kid getting caught stealing candy from a shop. I wanted to run from my father; I could not face him, not like that when I was so ashamed of myself, of what I had done and what I would do.

I loved my father, yet I knew when I held Fuji's thin frame close to my body, I knew that I could never leave his side.

And so, I decided. We got several phone calls after that but every time my cell phone, or his, rang, we would never answer. I knew it was stupid. I knew that my father could easily bark into our apartment room since he knew exactly where we lived. My father could, but he would not, since he was a respectable man, yet I was only a despicable son.

More than once Fuji asked me if that was what I really want. More than once he asked me if it was really alright. And I would always answer him with a firm yes, that was what I really want, and no, I felt no regret. He would shut his mouth after hearing my answers though I could still see doubts in those eyes.

Why did he have to be so unselfish was something beyond me. Even in his condition, even in his current state of vulnerability, he still thought of me and my family's well being. He told me how he did not want to be the one causing troubles between my father and I. Though I knew how afraid he was of letting me go, I found him asking me every morning with a trace of fear in his voice if I would consider meeting my father that day.

Shuusuke, my Shuusuke. Could I ever leave his side, moreover when he was suffering like that? We both knew that the idea terrified me as it did to him. Yet I too could not decline that I longed to meet my father to offer my humble prayer of apology because no matter what, I was the one at fault and I was willing to take whatever blame my father would cast on me.

Still, I could never leave his side.

Now that I think about it, maybe that was the sole reason why instead of me leaving him, he decided to take the matter with his own hands and leave me. Yes, he left me. I always knew that he would leave me, but I thought that he would leave silently and peacefully to the realm of afterlife with me watching his departure. But that was not really what happened.

It was during the middle of September when I woke up to find that we nearly had no food with us at that time being. The only thing I could do was to shop for food, but that would mean that I had to leave him. Fuji was having a very bad attack some previous days back and I was reluctant to leave him when he barely had his strength to stand, let alone walk. But as I was contemplating the idea in my mind, his soft touch landed in my shoulder and his smile flashed before my eyes.

"You should go," he said. "I'm fine now. See, I can even walk with ease. I feel no more pain, Kunimitsu, you don't have to worry."

I watched him closely, trying to counter his words but failed since we both knew I had to go. So I cupped his cheeks with my palms and kissed him before I put my coat on.

"I'll be back shortly," I promised him as he saw me off from the doorframe. "Take care of yourself."

He smiled at me and kissed me long and fine. I could almost see a flash of sadness in those eyes as he said softly, "Goodbye, Tezuka Kunimitsu. I love you with all my heart."

That was the last thing I ever heard from his lips. And the sight of him standing on the doorframe, watching me off was the last image of him imprinted upon my memory. For that day when I came back, I only found an empty apartment room. He was nowhere to be seen. He was nowhere to be heard. He was nowhere to be loved anymore.

He had left me.

It was then I knew what was behind his word of 'goodbye'. He did not say 'see you later', he did not say 'take care', but he said 'goodbye'.

He had left me.

I did not know why, I could not think, did not what to think why did he decide to leave me. I just knew that he had left me and that was enough to literally put an end to my world. Was he not the one wanting me to be on his side as he spent his last days on earth? Was he not the one making me promise to stay beside him always? Was he not the one causing me to challenge every power ever reigned in the world? Was he not the one to whom I pledged all my heart and love?

Yet he left me. He left me to cry over in despair, to wail in worry, to be drowned in depression and confusion. He left me and I felt my strength going away with him. It was the most pitiful state that I remember has ever befallen upon me. And it was the state I was currently in when my father found me some days after the incident.

I could speak nothing as I saw my father's figure looming before me after I opened the door. My father too spoke none. He only grabbed my hand and forced me to his car. Hours later I already found myself in my mother's embrace like I was a little child once again and without shame I cried on her.

There was nothing being spoken between us as I poured my tears. My parents asked me no words, offered me no words. But in their presence I found strength to finally tell them everything.

I told them about Fuji and I. I told them how I loved him yet at the same time I loved them too. I told them about my confusion and my feeling of helpless. I told them about how he had left me. I told them everything and they just kept silent during my monologue.

By the time I finished my story, my tears had already dried up and my mother looked at me with her fathomless eyes.

"Do you love him?" she asked.

"Yes," I answered her.

"Does he love you?" she asked again.

"Yes," I said without doubt.

"Are you two happy tohether?" she asked again.

I smiled as I remembered our days and answered, "Yes."

"Then all's right," she said as she ran her fingers through my hair in a way that I found so similar to how Fuji usually did it. "You've done no wrong, Kunimitsu, and we're proud of you."

Seeing my parents' smile, hearing my mother's words, feeling my father's hand on my shoulder, I could not help but sighed in relief because then I knew that I had not lost them. I could not bear to lose another people I loved after I already lost my dear Fuji Shuusuke. The pain of losing him was still there, but as I felt the love of my parents surrounding me, I felt that I could endure it.

Fuji Shuusuke had left me; that fact forever remained. Forever I could still feel the pain of that loss. Forever I could still feel betrayed by his act. But far longer than forever still I love him, and that fact alone was enough to numb any pain, to erase any feeling of betrayal, and to give me strength to live up my life. Because, as I have said before, though he has left me, the memories of him still remain. Though he has left me, my love for him is unchanged. Though he has left me, I believe with all my heart that his love for me will never fade. And though he has left me, what has happened between us will never be forgotten. Never ever forgotten.

- end chapter 12 -

(A/N: the sap is dripping like whoa!!! But then, even sap needs love. Tell us how do you think about this story and you get our love though without doing it you may have our love too… what the hell are we writing about anyway? Ah, sou… hope you like what you read… see you next chapter!)


	14. About He Who Left

Title: Never Ending Evergreen

Author: DnKS – giRLs

Rating: T (now we get it right in standard, yay!)

Pairing: TezuFuji

Disclaimers: first, The Prince of Tennis is not, has not been, and will never be ours. Second, this story was inspired by the sweet romantic story "La Dame aux Camélias", which, sadly, is not, has not been and will never be ours. It shall belong to its respective owner, Alexandre Dumas, forever. Now… what do we own?!

Warning: AU, a bit of …. over romantic and OOC (sigh…)

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_As once I wept if I could weep,_

_My tears might well be shed,_

_To think that I was not near to keep_

_One vigil o'er thy bed;_

_To gaze, how fondly! on thy face,_

_To fold thee in a faint embrace,_

_Uphold thy drooping head;_

_And show that love, however vain,_

_Nor thou nor I could feel again._

_(Stanzas by Lord Byron)_

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Chapter 13 – About He Who Left

My life was floating like a lazy summer breath. My life was flowing like a languid autumn leaf. My life was mine no more after he left. My life was nothing but a painful ritual I was forced to endure.

Indeed, that was what I felt. I have told you already how down I felt after my Fuji Shuusuke left me. I was ruined. I knew it, my parents knew it, and even Atobe, who met me up just a mere hour after I finished talking with my parents, knew it too. And I knew that they knew. I knew just by looking at their eyes, their saddened and pitiful eyes. I knew it and I could bear it no more.

My father decided that it was best for me to go back to my former life. With my former life, it meant going back to continue my study, associating with my colleagues, trying to be on the top of the classes, minding not with something so trivial like love. The idea seemed so uninviting then that I had already known the pleasure of loving someone so dear, someone who had so suddenly left me to be drowned in despair and anguish. Yet I still loved him and I did not think I could just forget about him and continue my life like nothing ever happened.

Still, for the sake of my parents who had been burdened so by my selfish act and for the sake of my beloved Fuji Shusuke who had sacrificed so much for me, I was willing to try.

Soon, I went back to my classes which I had gladly abandoned in my valiant journey with Fuji, saying that family's problem was the reason why I got late in entering the new term. My lecturers gave me no trouble for I had always been an honour student ever since, but I could feel my heart bleed by telling the lie. I of course could not say that my liaison with Fuji Shuusuke was the reason why I did not attend classes until then, but the lie made me feel as if I betrayed him. And the suspicious stares that were directed at me almost drove me insane. I knew that some of my classmates did not quite believe my explanations and they looked at me disbelievingly, accusingly, without any mean to hide it or make it more decent. It was maddening.

Still, for the sake of my parents who had been burdened so by my selfish act and for the sake of my beloved Fuji Shusuke who had sacrificed so much for me, I was willing to endure.

And so endure I did, amidst all the whisperings that seemed to follow me wherever I went. I could stand the bad mouthing directed at me, but whenever they spoke about Fuji… no, they were not speaking about him; rather they were insulting him in all their speeches. And that was what I could not bear. If Atobe was not there to keep me from losing my wit, I would have surely ruined myself far worse than anything.

The issue about my family's company also came to my mind and to my hands. It was finally my time to do my obligation as the sole successor of that company and started doing everything for its sake. It was enough blessing for me to be actually allowed to do something for the well-being of my family. I never thought of doing that for my own sake. No, let there be nothing for me for I knew I deserved nothing. But let it be that my parents could have their names cleared, their pride restored, and their joys returned.

And so, with all my studies and work, I was stunned to realize one day that a month had already passed after the time Fuji left me. By that time I had almost regained my former life, my former friends, and my former status before the eyes of the people around me.

"Of course no one would believe it," Kirihara Akaya, one of my friends, once said to me when we were having some drinks after our mid-term exams. He and I had been friends ever since years back when we were in the junior high before my family decided to go abroad and he was one of those people who welcomed me warmly without any suspicion. It was relieving to see that there were still people who put so much confidence in me, yet in the same time, it was also painful to abide.

"Believe what?" Atobe asked.

"That our proud Tezuka Kunimitsu could get enchanted by someone like Fuji Shuusuke, no matter how beautiful he is," Kirihara answered. "Those people from the media only want hot gossips to attract customers, sometimes they disgust me."

"You cannot blame them," said my other friend, Inui Sadaharu. "And besides Tezuka did indeed have a relationship with him, and Fuji Shuusuke is indeed beautiful."

"He's smart too," Saeki Kojiroh, another one of us said. "Not to mention that he's so charming."

"He's so mysterious and that's why he's so charming," Inui said. "And what about you, Tezuka, what do you think of Fuji Shuusuke?"

"He's…" I stopped for a while and if people looked at me well enough they might see that I let a little smile appear on my lips. "He's Fuji Shuusuke."

Atobe snickered, "And I do believe there shall be no other answer more proper than that."

"Yes I know that Fuji Shuusuke was so beautiful and all… and that Tezuka was in a relationship with him, but to go as far as to suggest that he will be so foolishly in love until he spent so much money for him and even attempted to elope with him?" Kirihara rolled his eyes. "Please, this is Tezuka Kunnimitsu we are talking about. Ne, Tezuka, don't you want to defend yourself?"

I only calmly sipped my drink and answered, "People can think of anything they want to think, but they can never change the truth."

What an ambiguous answer I gave that time, I thought with an inner smile. So ambiguous that it was almost beautiful for the hidden secrets those simple words held in them. They could never change the truth, the truth that I kept in my heart about me and Fuji Shuusuke and everything between us.

The sound of a ringing phone came to my hearing and I realized it was mine. Excusing myself, I moved to a corner of the club we were currently in, which offered more privacy, and answered the call.

"Tezuka Kunimitsu is speaking," I said.

"Good evening, Tezuka-san," an unfamiliar voice greeted me. "We haven't met before so let me introduce myself first. I am Yukimura Seiichi and I believe I have a very important business with you."

I frowned. That name meant nothing to me yet that soft voice on the other side of the phone accented sincerity that I could not fail to note.

"As I believe that you have already known my name, we can skip my behalf of the introduction," I said. "So may I know what important business do you have with me, Yukimura-san?"

"I cannot speak this by phone," he said. "This might sound a bit rude but could we please meet?"

"Right away?" I repeated.

"Right away," he said. "I am sorry for taking your precious time but I need to do something I have promised to a very dear friend of mine. He gave me something which has to be handed to you and it needs to be done real soon. I hope you can understand my situation, Tezuka-san, and I promise this will not take long."

"I understand your circumstances," I said. "But could you please tell me who is this friend of yours whose things I am about to receive?"

There was a slight pause before he answered with his ever so smooth voice two words that almost made my heart stop in my chest.

"Fuji Shuusuke."

Fuji Shusuke, I repeated those words in my head. You might expect me to be surprised, to be confused, yet I was not. I recall that time I only sighed softly as if I knew that would surely be happening when in fact I never before dreamed of such thing like that. But hearing Fuji's name spoken, I knew instantly, though until now I could not understand how could I possibly did it, that we have reached our end.

I asked the man who introduced himself as Yukimura Seiichi when and where could I meet him. Calmly, ever so calmly I then excused myself from the companion of my friends to meet the stranger I just heard his voice by phone. Calmly, ever so calmly I walked to the café he mentioned in our conversation earlier as the place we would have our rendezvous. And calmly, ever so calmly I seated myself before him, without any sign of fear, without any sign of anxiety, without any sign of confusion, without any sign of emotion.

"Tezuka-san," the man seated in front of me greeted me. As I sat before him, I observed him closely. Yukimura Seiichi struck me as a composed gentleman who seemed older than me by some few years. In his eyes I could see thoughtfulness and in his voice I found amity when he said, "You found me faster than I thought."

"Yes," I said because I did not know what else to say.

"So, shall we move to the most important topic at hand?" he said.

"Please do so," I said and observed as he drew a thick white envelope from his bag. Each of his movement seemed so languid and seeing his long fingers, I could not help but remember Fuji's long fingers that had run through my skin countless time.

Shaking my thought, I then laid my gaze to the white envelope he placed before me.

"What is this?" I asked him.

He smiled, "This is what my dear friend Fuji Shuusuke wanted to give to you. It was his last words that this letter should be delivered to you."

"His last words?" I asked.

"Fuji Shuusuke died one week ago," he said with a slight bow of apology. "My deepest grief and condolence."

"Ah," I said slowly and with a sigh, I closed my eyes. The image of him seeing me off that day came to my mind. That day, that time, the last time I met him, I remembered that perfectly. I remembered it still, I remembered him still.

Strangely there was no sadness came to me at first. There was just a feeling of void settled on the pitch of my stomach and then some feeling of helplessness but over all, there was peace. I know it might sound strange but I felt somewhat relieved to know that he had already passed away. At least by then I knew perfectly about his welfare and at least by then I knew that he had gone to a much better place than this troubled world which did us nearly no justice as we grew so much in love in it.

"How did he die?" I asked him softly.

"He died silently in his sleep," Yukimura answered me.

"Did he die alone?" I asked with my slightly trembling voice.

"No," Yukimura said with a slight smile. "I was there with him until the very last breath he drew."

I smiled yet my eyes betrayed my lips for I could feel tears came to the both corner of my eyes. Fuji did not die alone, I thought, he did not die in a lonely cold place. I might not be able to fulfil my words to be on his side during his last time on earth, but there were still people to see his passing away.

Ah, Shuusuke, I thought silently, you were not alone, never alone.

"Thank you," I said. "Thank you for being there for him when I was not able to."

"That's the least thing I can do for him," the one who introduced himself as Yukimura Seiichi said to me. "I believe you want to know the whole story of what happened after he left you, am I right Tezuka-san?"

"I indeed am," I admitted. "Would you mind telling me?"

Yukimura drew a breath and folded his hands on his laps. His blue eyes stared at me so intently as he began his story.

"I am a social worker in an orphanage. Roughly one month ago, a man came to us, declaring himself as Fuji Shuusuke, one of the children once raised there. I never knew him before but the director remembered him well. And to make the story short, he told us his entire predicament and asked us for a place for him to lay his head as he waited for death to claim him.

"He stayed with us but his health is rapidly deteriorating. I was the one taking care of him so he talked a lot to me. That's how I know about you, that's how I know about him. He told me a lot of things but the last thing he asked me was to give you that letter and told you that he is alright now."

"He's alright now," I repeated with a bitter smile. "It's so like him to say something like that."

Yukimura, I observed, decided not to say anything for that. Having heard his story, I eyed the thick white envelope he just gave to me, thinking what might be inside. In a sense I wanted to tear the damn thing open and read whatever things Fuji had written in his letter but at the same moment, I could not bring myself to even think about doing that. Because then, if I really read his final message, it would all become truth. His death, the fact that he had left me forever, would become such a cruel reality that I could not help but trying to deny.

As I had those thoughts running in my mind, Yukimura passed over me a piece of folded paper. There was written, I observed, the address of what I presumed was the orphanage where he worked. And his following statement just proved my thought.

"This is the orphanage that I mentioned to you earlier," he said. "If you… have any desire to take his remains, you can go there… because he did say something before his death that you had promised him a grave amidst the evergreens."

I smiled, remembering that certain place that had brought us together until that far. Yes, I had promised that to him. I might not able to fulfil my promise to be on his side until the end, but there was still one thing I could do to amend my faults.

"Thank you for all this, Yukimura-san," I bowed slightly to him. "You've been a great help."

"You are very welcome," he said with a smile. "Now I have done my respective responsibilities I shall leave you to read the letter in peace. Thank you for your time, Tezuka-san, it's been a pleasure for me to finally meet you after all that I've heard about you."

"And what do you find in me, if I may wonder?" I asked him casually.

"I find that Shuusuke is so lucky to have you," he said. "As you are so lucky to have him."

That was, to put it bluntly, the highest form of compliment I might expect. And thus with those words spoken, we took our separate ways. He went back, he said, to the orphanage while I took the letter and the folded paper that Yukimura gave me earlier to my dorm room. You might expect me to read the letter as soon as I arrived there, but no, I was not. Rather, I kept the letter with me for the next three days, not daring to even tear the envelope open. I did not know why I did that. I just knew that the letter was the last form of communication I could ever get from Shuusuke and somehow, I felt… reluctant to face it.

But still, eventually I did read the letter. Three days after I got it, I just stared at the pristine white envelope and suddenly without my commanding them, my fingers moved on their on tearing the envelope open. Some sheets of folded white papers filled with Fuji's neat handwriting greeted me from inside the envelope and I knew just then, I had to read the letter.

And so I sighed; and so I read.

- end chapter 13 -

(A/N: meh… sorry for so long not updating… and sorry once again for having such a cliché thing like 'college' as the reason behind that p tell you what, this chapter has been finished months ago yet we didn't have time to post it… hopeless, right?? Anyway… two more chapters to go hope you like this chapter and please do review…)


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